Beautiful Soul
by edwardsoul
Summary: Bella is graduating. She realizes she's terrified to become a vampire. She leaves Forks to think things through. While gone, she discovers the real reason Edward thinks his soul is lost. Can she solve the 80 yr. old mystery? Will she become a vampire?
1. Chapter 1

**Well, here is my second story. I want to say right away, it is very different from "Coming Back To You". If you don't like this, I hope your image of me isn't totally blown. I wrote it back in the Spring, so I will update everyday. There are like 9 chapters and an epilogue. This first chapter is a titch boring. I am setting up the story, and I promise the second chapter is better. Hope you are having a great summer! Thank you ever so much for reading (and reviewing) my story!!! **

**For some reason, I couldn't put the title of the chapter on my story - the first chapter is called "Thoughts".**

**Bella's POV**

I had read the same paragraph of Wuthering Heights four times and I had no idea what Cathy was saying to Heathcliff. My mind was on another matter entirely.

Graduation from Forks High School was three weeks away and for a while now a thought had been pushing its way into my brain. No matter how many times I tried to ignore it, rationalize it, or argue another side of it, I knew I had to face it.

It started out as a ridiculous notion that was easy to laugh away, but lately. . . lately it all started to make sense. I was finally realizing that I had to leave. I need to go somewhere by myself, just for a little while, to think things through concerning my future with Edward.

I was leaving to decide if I would become a vampire.

There were two reasons I had to leave. First, and most importantly, I had to show Edward that I was serious about my decision. I didn't want to have this fight with him anymore. In all the time we had been together, we'd only had one fairly serious conversation about changing me. That had been in Phoenix. I was in serious pain and could hardly talk from my broken ribs and to end the conversation, he had the nurse dope me up on pain medication. He never took me seriously on this most important topic. If I left, and showed how much this meant to me, then maybe we could come to an agreement.

He had promised we would discuss my changing again after graduation, but already he was making excuses. He began by saying we should take a trip this summer before I decided. Now, he was saying I should wait to see what schools I got accepted to. He was bringing me new college applications everyday. He could keep stalling like this for years.

And of course, there was the ever present marriage proposal. He always had the upper hand on this. He was such a cheater.

I had to convince him I was mature enough to know what I wanted, and if I decided to be a vampire, (that word still made me shiver), that I would never regret it, that I would never resent him for the life we would then lead.

The second reason, the one that I would never admit to Edward, was that I was afraid. Terrified actually. I suspect that Edward knew this, and that was his primary reason for not changing me. He did not want me making this life changing decision at age eighteen. What scared me is that Edward could be right.

Is being a vampire what I really wanted? When I was with Edward it was so easy to say yes, but on those nights when he was hunting and I was in the dark alone in my room. . . thoughts crept in. . . the intense pain of changing, drinking blood, urges I might not be able to control, and forgetting my life.

Would I really forget Charlie and Renee? Could I really forget Jacob? My life up until I came to Forks wasn't anything spectacular, but to forget it all. Would that really happen?

What about having a home? The Cullens had to move often. They hadn't been back to Forks in decades. They'd had to wait until everyone who remembered them was dead. They couldn't get very involved with the people where they lived, they couldn't afford to let anyone get too close. Would I just get attached to a place and then we would have to leave?

There was one other thing. . . Most eighteen year olds didn't think about it much, but I knew someday I would. What about being a mother? What about having a family of my own? If I chose this life I would never have a baby or be a Grandmother. Things I had just sort of taken for granted that happened in just about everyone's life would never happen for me.

My only other option was to stay with Edward as a human. He had told me over and over this is what he wanted. But could I do that? I just didn't believe it would ever work.

So tonight, I would be telling him I was leaving. The idea of being away from him for any length of time was excruciating to me, but I hoped this would be worth all the serious effort I would be putting into the decision that would affect the rest of my life. The rest of our lives.

That night, in my kitchen, Edward and I finished studying for our final test in Trig. Having Edward for a study partner was just about the best and the worst thing. He knew all the answers, of course, and that would be helpful if I didn't sit close enough to smell him, and he didn't run his nose along my jaw and just behind my ear and kiss me on the neck. Somewhere in there, I think I got everything straight for the test.

At exactly 9:30 p.m. Charlie, not so tactfully, said it was time for Edward to leave. I thought how much I would hate to say good-bye to him if I weren't going to see him again in 5 minutes in my room. It made me think how much I would hate to say good-bye after graduation for those few tortuous weeks.

I got ready for bed, brushing through my hair absent-mindedly as my thoughts kept turning to what I would say to Edward. The last thing I would ever want to do was hurt him, and I didn't want him to question the way I felt about him. I had to do this right.

I went to tell Charlie good night. As I saw him sitting in his old chair I realized how things in my life were changing so quickly now. I was suddenly struck with an overwhelming sense of love for this dad of mine. He seemed to love having me here. Which meant it must have been really hard for him to see me for only two weeks in the summer every year until I was 16. I was so thankful he hadn't just decided to forget he had a daughter.

He had been a great father all things considered. Even when he was protective, like with the whole motorcycle thing, I knew it was because he loved me. I hopped in front of his view of the T.V. and said, "Good night, Dad. I love you."

I don't think I'd told him that since I was like nine. He raised his eyebrows and lifted his head. He said, "Bella, I love you too." and he stood up and gave me a hug.

Feeling a little embarrassed I told him I would see him in the morning and ran upstairs.

I walked into my room and shut my door without turning on my light. My eyes found my bed, and there he was.

Could I ever get used to this beautiful miracle holding out his arms to me, welcoming me in? I couldn't imagine taking any part of him for granted. I relaxed into his lap and his arms enfolded me. I looked up to see him staring at me with a look that I didn't recognize.

I furrowed my brow and reached up to touch his face. I ran my thumb under his eyes and then over his lips. He put his cold hand over mine on his cheek and said, "Bella, something is bothering you and I need you to tell me what it is."

I thought I had hid it so well, but I guess it's hard to hide anything from your true love. It actually made me smile that he would be that sensitive to me, and that he made it easier for me start in to what I wanted to say.

I took a deep breath and said, "You are my love, for now and always." It came out with such emotion that I felt tears in the corners of eyes.

He could sense more was coming and he swallowed hard, but did not say anything. I could see his jaw tightening.

One more big breath and it all started to spill out.

"I have some very big decisions to make in the next few months and I need to tell you what I have been thinking."

One more big breath.

"I need to go away. . . by myself. . . for two, maybe three weeks after graduation to get my head clear on what I _really _want."

I could feel him stiffen as he held me. His voice was rough as he said, "What do you mean? Do you mean if you really want us to be together?"

I could see that he had stopped breathing. I never wanted him to doubt I wanted him forever. I immediately sat up on my knees and placing my hands on each side of his face I said, "I know I have talked to you a lot about you changing me. . . and . . well now that the time is getting closer, I want to make sure that I am making the right decision . . for me, and for us. I'm leaving because I need to get it straight in my head and my heart if I am going to stay with you as a human or . . . not."

Edward stared at me for a moment and then his eyes softened. I could see him relax as he said, "I am relieved to see you actually putting some serious thought into all of this." He put his hand on my cheek and said, "But Bella, why do you have to go away to do it?"

I stared straight into his eyes as I said softly, "Because, as long as I am here and close to you I will always want you to change me. I need to clear my head and think things through slowly and seriously."

Edward had broken my gaze and was looking down at the floor. I pulled his chin up to me and said, "When I make my final decision I want you to be confident that I weighed the good and the bad. I don't want you to be afraid that one day I'll regret the decision I ultimately make. I want to be absolutely sure."

I emphasized these last words. "And when I come back we will discuss this together and then decide from there what we should do."

Edward pulled me into his arms and silently rocked me for several minutes. I had no idea what was running through his mind. Then very quietly he asked, "Where are you going?"

I paused before answering, "I'm. . . not sure. . . I should tell you."

He stopped rocking me. "Why?" he asked flatly.

"Because I need to be alone and I am afraid you'll follow to make sure I don't trip and fall into a large hole or something," I said.

He chuckled, "It will drive me crazy wondering if you are safe, but I promise I will give you your space. I will not interfere and I will not follow you. But Bella, I have to know where you will be."

I slid back out of his marble arms and turned to face him. "I am going to Florida to spend some time with Renee. When she comes for graduation, I am going to go back with her. I don't really have a set schedule. I may go off by myself and stay at a place that Phil owns by the beach."

Edward swallowed hard. Then he took my face and kissed me on the forehead. He brought his forehead down to touch mine, and he whispered, "So far away."

I heard him sigh. He pulled back to look in my face and he said, "Bella, you need to take all the time you need on this. If a few weeks isn't long enough, then take longer."

It seemed to me his true emotions were not showing, that he was trying hard to make it look like he was just fine with my leaving, but he was bothered by this, I could tell. It touched me all the more that he agreed I should leave, even when he didn't really want me to go. He was always putting my needs in front of his own.

"Thank you," was all I could manage to get out. How I loved this angel of mine. I was so thankful he understood so well.

It took me a while to fall asleep that night. Edward held me so tight and we stared into each other's eyes with just the glow from my clock. Finally, Edward began to hum my lullaby as he ran his hand down the length of my hair over and over again until I fell asleep.

I don't think I ever really understood what night was like for him. While I lay there asleep, what did he do? Where did his thoughts go?

**I actually enjoy criticism. It makes my writing better, and I always try to write back and talk to you about it. Like I said, the first chapter is a little slow, The next one will be up tomorrow. It is now officially less than a month until Eclipse!!**


	2. Assurances

**Hey Guys! It was so great to hear from you again. Thank you for reviewing, I cringed when I hit submit on that first chapter. I was ready for serious flamers, but you guys are the absolute best. (I will still think you're great if you send flamers). This chapter is longer - I hope it holds your attention until the end . . . . .**

Graduation came and went without too much fanfare. The rain had come down in sheets earlier in the day, but now seemed to be holding off while everyone shuffled out of the school. Charlie and Renee smiled a lot and acted very proud. There were a lot of pictures taken. I think Charlie took two pictures, the rest was all my mother.

The Cullens seemed to take it all in stride. After all, how many graduations can you attend for the same children over and over again and still act excited? They did play along pretty well.

Renee hadn't seen Edward since the hospital in Phoenix more than a year ago. Subtle changes had taken place in my face and frame, but Edward had not changed in the slightest. I wondered if she noticed, but she seemed to be more preoccupied with how close Edward and I were. I had tried to pass him off as a crush back then. It was definitely past that now.

In two days I was flying back to Florida with Renee. I knew I would get an earful about how I shouldn't settle down so young in life. That was, after all, what she had done with Charlie and looked how that turned out? Lucky me, that I had the whole plane ride, not to mention being in the same house with her, to hear her views on commitment and marrying young.

The ceremony had been over for about an hour. I took a deep breath and scanned the crowd watching the other kids from my class. They were laughing and joking. A few were crying. As I looked around me that day, I remember thinking how far removed I was from what was happening with all these other graduates. Their futures were uncertain to be sure, but in a far different way than mine. Many were going to schools in the Northwest. A few had chosen the military. Some were staying close and taking jobs.

I wondered what I would be thinking on this day if I had never looked over to that lunch table and seen a fantastically beautiful boy staring at me. I would probably be over with Jessica and Mike laughing, crying and hugging. Promising to keep in touch. Perhaps already talking about our 10 year High School Reunion.

If I became a vampire I would never see any of these people again.

I glanced back at Charlie and Renee. They were planning my future already.

I was torn in so many different directions. It was like I was standing on a road with so many paths it seemed impossible to choose the right one. Each path meant another not taken. And if I chose the vampire path, I would never be able to step off of it, not ever.

I didn't realize that I had moved away from the group. I also didn't realize that Edward had been watching me. When I met his gaze, he looked so sad. His eyes seemed to say, "I always knew this day would come."

I put on a smile and walked towards him. When I reached him he put out a hand to stop me and said, "Just promise me that if you decide on another life, that you will come back and give me the chance to say good-bye."

I stared at him with a shocked look on my face. "I love you with all my heart," I said.

"I never said you didn't," he said back to me.

We stared at each other for a long moment. It started to rain again. Then I heard Renee say "Just one more picture honey, you and Edward turn this way and smile."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The Senior Class had planned a big bonfire up on the Flatts. Kind of a hangout for the all teenagers in town. I had never been there. Edward and I rode in the jeep. Although this was Alice's graduation night too, she and Jasper didn't come. They decided that on a mountain in the dark with a bunch of rowdy kids was not the best place for Jasper to be.

We had the radio on and a song came on that I liked. It was by Death Cab For Cutie. I started to sing along. "_If heaven and hell_ _decide that they both are satisfied . . . I'll follow you into the dark_." I looked over at Edward. He was already staring at me. I had never really paid attention to the lyrics before. I turned the radio off and started in on small talk. I made an effort to keep the converstaion light.

When we got there, we made the rounds. It didn't take long. Edward never really talked to anybody at school and I only talked to Angela and Ben now that Jessica had crossed to the dark side. I mostly talked to Mike only at work. My life was all about Edward. If I wasn't with Edward at school, I was usually with Alice.

After a few minutes, in his velvet voice Edward said, "Come with me."

He grabbed my hand and we walked off a ways by ourselves. He then turned off the trail and took me through some trees. I was surprised when we came out of the trees and there was a huge rock face in front of us. He took my hand and began slowly helping me climb up the large rocks. At the top there was a place for just two people to sit. I had no idea how high we actually were until I looked around and saw we were on the highest peak for miles around. The stars were actually out and they seemed so close I could reach out and touch them.

Edward was looking out over the view. He said, "I found this place shortly after we moved to Forks." He then turned to look at me and in a quieter voice said, "Before you came here."

"It's beautiful," I said, still short of breath from our climb. Edward sat down and motioned for me to come and sit by him.

For a time we were both silent looking at the view, but I could tell he was trying to say something. After a few minutes he finally started with his most gentle velvet voice.

"Bella, I need you to know that when I introduced myself to you that day in Biology. . . I never planned for things to go this far. I never dreamed that you would, or even could feel anything for me. I was so intrigued by you . . . you were so different from all the rest. The more I knew about you the more I loved you and," he stopped and ran his hands over his face before he whispered, "I couldn't stay away."

He sighed hard and took my hand and held it as he said, "You were faithful to me even after I left you and hurt you so badly." He turned to look at me and swallowed hard. "You have been a true gift to me and I'll never forget all you have taught me."

This sounded a lot like he was trying to say good-bye. I panicked. I started to stand up but I was afraid I would go tumbling down the mountain so I sat back down and in a high, pitched voice I said, "You promised me you were _never_ going to leave me ever again!"

In a quiet voice he said, "_I'm_ not going anywhere."

I grabbed his arm and said in a desperate kind of voice, "I am going to be gone for a few weeks! Just a few weeks Edward! You seemed okay about this when we talked before!" I turned him around to face me. His face was a mask but his eyes seemed so vulnerable, so resigned to his new fate.

"Why did you just give me what sounded like a good-bye speech?" I asked.

"Because," he said, "Today I made you promise to come back so I could tell you good-bye, and I basically, in a much shorter version, just told you what I would have said, so now I won't hold you to that promise. You don't have to come back."

Did he really think I could ever leave him? I put my arms around his neck as tightly as I could. I could feel tears coming down my cheeks. The breeze was blowing his scent in swirls all around me. I felt him hesitantly bring his arms up to hold me, and then they enveloped me as he buried his face in my neck.

"Edward" I whispered. I was never the one to initiate any kind of affection with him. Not ever sure of his limits, and what urges he could stand, I always let him be our guide, but not now.

I began by kissing his neck in the breathless way I had always wanted to. Every time I kissed him I would whisper, "I love you." My hands moved to his chest and I kissed the front of his neck, the other side of his neck and then my hands found his face and I kissed his forehead and his cheeks. His eyes were closed and he was gripping my arms just below my shoulders.

Then I kissed him the way I had always dreamed of kissing him. I pushed my lips hard against his and I could feel tears staining my cheeks again. My hands went to his hair. This is where he always stopped me, but instead he let go of my arms and drew me closer. He had never let me kiss him this long. I had to pull away for air and I whispered with all the force I could manage, "I am yours forever." Then I was kissing him again.

My head was spinning and I could feel his shoulders start to shake but neither one of us were able to pull away. Then I heard a growl from deep in his chest. He opened his mouth and I could feel his sweet breath in my face.

Instinct told me it was time to stop. Edward needed my help. I pulled away just enough to look into his eyes. They were wild and crazed and his breath was coming out in small shaky gasps. He was gripping my arms again, only much tighter than before, but I didn't wince. I just held his gaze and calmed my face to let him know I was all right and that I wasn't afraid.

"I'm . . . so. . . sorry. . ." He said through clenched teeth. After a time his grip began to loosen and his breath slowed. His eyes were the last thing to come back.

"That was really stupid and out of line," He said. "I am sorry." He said it with so much self loathing that I tried to make the situation seem less serious than it really was.

Still looking right into his face I smiled and said, "If you think that's the last time I'm kissing you like that, you're wrong. I am definitely coming back for more of that." He shook his head and whispered something about a death wish and leaned his forehead into mine.

I sat there with my eyes closed. Just feeling him close to me. Just loving him. I wanted him to understand how much I needed him and why I was leaving.

I made my voice serious again as I said, "Edward, I'm leaving because I want to do this right. You are the most important person I will ever have in my life. I just can't mess this up."

In a very quiet voice Edward said, "Today at the ceremony, I did not have to read your mind to know what you were thinking. Do not be in too big of a hurry to give up a great life."

Every conversation I'd ever had with him about the future always ended this way. I was so exasperated by his dark and foreboding attitude.

I pulled away from him and blurted out, "Why won't you fight for me? Why won't you just grab me and say, "I'm yours and I'm never letting you go? From our first conversation all I wanted was you, and you just keep telling me how wrong you are for me."

Edward looked at me with anguish on his twisted face. He spat out the words and it seemed like there was venom on each syllable. "Because. . .I. . .am . . . a . . .VAMPIRE!"

He stood up and looked down pointing his long perfect finger at me. "I am a monster without a soul and I can count at least 5 times since you met me, one more, just 30 seconds ago, that I had to fight off a strong urge to kill you. I am not even talking about the small urges that come every day, Bella. You want me to beg you to stay with me? I'll never do it."

He turned his head from me and looked out over the mountains. He finally turned back to me and said quietly in a rougher voice, "Every night while you're asleep do you know what I do? I spend half my time berating myself for not being able to stay away from you and the other half wishing I was a human boy. ."

He pulled his hands up into his hair and knotted his fingers there. He sat back down with his arms covering his face and rested his elbows on his knees. Then I heard him whisper softly. . . "I would have fallen in love with you no matter what. I imagine myself as a human trying to convince you to go out with me. That I could play on the football team and have you wait for me after the game, that I could put a bandage on your knees when you inevitably fell down and not be crazed at the scent of your blood, that I could eat pizza with you while we watched a movie, that you could come to my house for dinner and meet my parents and maybe my grandparents, that I. . . that I could kiss you and not have to stop."

My heart ached for him. Why did he want all of that? I never felt one bit cheated out of anything to be with him. I always felt that I was the lucky one. Edward Cullen loved me. . .me! I didn't care about any of that. But he did.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say something to make him understand how I felt, so I said, "I could've had Mike, or Tyler or Eric but I didn't. I only wanted you. You are the only one I'll ever want." It was a meager attempt at making him feel better, but it was the best I could do.

He still sat there with his head in his lap.

Finally, I moved over and knelt in front of him. I took hold of his arms that were still covering his face as I said, "I'm glad you told me all this. I sort of knew you felt that way but I just didn't realize how much. But Edward, while I'm gone I want you to do me a favor. Every time you begin to think that way I want you to stop yourself and imagine our life together from here on. Think about places you want to take me. Think about plays I haven't seen that we can experience. Think about books you can read to me." I paused and then said, "Think about the proposal you gave me. Think about the future. That's what I'll be doing."

He looked up at me then. His face was a little calmer, but I wouldn't say it was peaceful. He grabbed my hands in both of his and kissed them. "I'll do it." He said softly. He stared at me for a moment and then he brushed my hair away from my face as he said, "I absolutely love you. I will count the seconds until you're back in my arms again. And Bella, when you come back and you decide for sure that you want to be with me, I _will_ fight for you. I'll do everything in my power to keep you by my side." It made me burn inside to hear him talk like that.

All I could say was, "That's all I needed to hear."

We knelt there holding each other for a long time. It started to get colder and he felt me shiver. He took my hand and we started back down the rock face. It was much harder coming down than up, but as always, he patiently and safely got me back to the trail.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The night before I left was very sweet. Edward came to my room with a new CD of songs. Each one seemed more beautiful than the last. He was a little down, but then so was I.

I started to ask him about places he wanted me to see. I told him how much I wanted to go to Alaska and see the Northern Lights and that he could take me there and I could meet Tanya and her family. I wanted him to be in the right frame of mind when I left.

He started tracing my collarbone with his nose. I could feel him breathing in my scent. Then he was behind my ear. "If you keep doing that I'll never be able to leave." I murmured.

"In that case," he said, and his cold lips were on mine. He kissed me in a loving but desperate way. I was completely in heaven and kept thinking I was crazy to leave. So crazy. . . I was careful to keep my arms down so that he wouldn't have to stop kissing me. He stopped for a few seconds to calm down and then he was kissing me again.

This time I brought my hands up to his face. No one else could ever make me feel this way. He whispered my name and kissed me hard one more time and then he reluctantly broke away and laid his head on my chest listening to my heart beat out a hard pounding rhythm.

I ran my fingers through this hair, thinking about what Carlisle had said about his mother having the same bronze color hair that he had when Edward turned his head up to me. "I want you to know something," he said.

"Your image of me is the person I hope one day to be. I am trying to be positive that you'll be coming back." He paused while I shook my head and rolled my eyes, then he continued. "If you decide to stay with me, I promise I will make everyday for you a happy one. I will love you like no one else ever will and I will always take care of you. You are now, and forever will be the most important part of me."

How could I ever wish for anything more?

"Edward, once again, I'm not leaving to decide if I'll stay with you. I decided that a long time ago. And as for all the things you just promised me, you have already been doing all those things."

I smiled and looked down as I said, "Do you know when I first started to fall in love with you? That day you came back from Alaska and introduced yourself to me." I was staring at the ceiling remembering when he first spoke my name. I looked down at him and said, "Then the day you sat by yourself in the lunchroom and motioned for me to come sit by you. . . when you winked at me I thought I would come undone." I touched his hair and finished, "That's when I knew that there would never be anyone else for me." Then I whispered, "You could be doing so much less than you are and I would still be hopelessly in love with you."

I got my crooked smile. "Oh great, now you tell me!" he laughed. I laughed too.

He laid his head back down on my chest and closed his eyes. I wished he could sleep. I wished he could have that moment of peace.

"It's late," he finally said, "And Renee will be here early to get you."

"Goodnight my love," I whispered. He hummed me my lullaby and I forced my eyes to stay open to look at his face a little longer, then I drifted off.

The next morning when I awoke, Edward was gone. He showed up as we were finishing breakfast. He helped me get my bags into Renee's rental car and asked, "Is your graduation present in there?"

"Yes." I grinned.

Edward had given me a laptop for graduation. He asked if I would e-mail him every night while I was away so that he would know I was safe. When I protested saying I did not have a present for him, he stared at me and said, "Just come back."

He held me tight and then I got in the car. I turned to watch him as we drove away. He was looking at me with one hand raised to wave good-bye. Just before I turned the corner, he touched two fingers to his lips and then sent the kiss out to me.

Five miles down the road I desperately wanted to scream, "Go back!"

But I was determined to make this the turning point for good in our lives.

**Go back, Bella! Are you crazy? Just kidding. If you liked or disliked this chapter I would really love to know. Hope you're having a great summer!**


	3. Discoveries

**Hey - this is so much fun sharing this story with you. You have all been so nice even though there are no battles, or that you can't tell me how much you hate Sam for being a bad guy. Thank you so much for being so great. When I wrote this story, I had never spent much time in Florida. But, I got back from being there for a week just before I posted this story. I live in the middle of a desert, but that whole heat and humidity thing you have going there in Florida really kicked my butt. I was soaking wet all the time. I added a little bit about the heat in here because, man it is really hot and sticky there. I loved Florida otherwise and can't wait to go back!! This is a really long chapter. Feel free to stop in the middle for an intermission.**

True to form Renee had kept me on edge with a steady stream of questions about Edward all the way to Port Angeles. Then she spent the flight to Seattle grilling me on what my plans were for school. THEN, on our lovely 6 hour flight to Florida she regaled me with the dangers of marrying young and not rushing into anything. She laid out what I'm sure was a rehearsed argument for the benefits of living your own life before ever thinking about settling down with anyone.

I did my best to lay her fears to rest. I reminded her of what a sensible girl I had always been. (I was hoping she wasn't thinking about the time I fell through a hotel window, or took off for three days) I told her I had every intention of furthering my education and was excited about my future.

I also told her that whatever I decided to do, that Edward would be considered in my decision. I was honest and told her I loved him. She patted me on the arm with a worried look. Edward would be very proud of me.

On the way to Renee's car, I was surprised at how uncomfortable the heat and sun felt. The humidity was overwhelming. I was used to the wet feeling in Forks, but this was different. My clothes stuck to me and my face felt sweaty and sticky. I immediately pulled my hair up in a ponytail. I kept searching for shade. As soon as I got in the car I turned all my vents to my face and turned the air on full blast.

The trip had worn me out. I was glad to get to Renee and Phil's guest room and flopped on the bed. I couldn't rest though, I was just too anxious to talk to Edward. I knew I could call him, but I didn't want to have to edit what I wanted to say, plus, I knew it would be expensive, and I wasn't sure Phil would appreciate it. I plugged in the laptop and sent a message.

_Hello love,_

_I made it here without even a scratch! Have you had a good day? Tell me what you have been doing. Renee has been grilling me about you all day. I told her I love you. I miss you. _

_Forever, Bella _

I didn't know how long it would take him to know I'd sent a message, but he answered me immediately. It thrilled me that he had been waiting for me to talk to him.

_Hello Beautiful. _

_I am relieved to know you made it there safely. Today Rosalie and I did some work on her car. We had a good talk. Thank you for telling Renee how you feel about me. Tomorrow, tell her I have asked you to marry me and let's see how she reacts! I love you so much. I miss you so much. Sweet dreams. _

_Yours, Edward_

He was so far away.

I may have come here to make decisions about some things, but there was one thing I knew for sure. I absolutely hated going to sleep without Edward there.

The harsh sunlight streaming in my window woke me early the next morning. I would have to remember to close the blinds. That was something I never had to worry about in Forks.

There was another thing I knew for sure. I absolutely hated waking up without Edward beside me. I thought about how his skin would be shimmering like diamonds right now. I instinctively ran my hand over the empty spot next to me.

I shook my head in an effort to clear my brain. Thinking about how much I missed Edward was not going to help me make any decisions. I reached over to the bed stand and got the laptop. Might as well put it to good use, I thought.

I began typing out a list of all the advantages of staying a human. The list was not very long. It mostly centered around being able to see Charlie and Renee.

I also put down that it wouldn't break the treaty with the Quileutes. I didn't even want to think about the can of worms that would be opened with Jake if I became a vampire. He would become my natural enemy.

If Billy found out I was becoming a vampire, he would tell Charlie. What would happen if Charlie found out _before_ I changed? He was not only my father, he was the Chief of Police, I pretty much knew what he would do.

I started to think about farther down the line. If I stayed human, I would be able to have children, but I wouldn't have Edward's children. I would never want to have children with anyone else.

All at once, I realized I had to come to grips with the fact that whether I decided to stay human or not, I would never have my own child.

I was suddenly aware that although I had just barely started thinking about this, Edward had always known this would be a very big deal to me someday. This was probably one of the reasons why he left me in September.

I wondered if Edward ever thought about being a father. That thought put a huge lump in my throat. Did he think about that?

Okay, so now I was starting the list of the disadvantages of staying a human.

I knew what would be the biggest horror for me. I would be growing older everyday while Edward stayed the same devastatingly beautiful angel.

He told me over and over again that this did not matter to him, but oh, it mattered to me. I knew that with time it would matter much, much more.

I could hear my mom out in the kitchen. I did not realize that I had been sitting at my laptop for over an hour.

I went out to Renee and hugged her good morning like I had always done when I had lived with her. It was good to see her in this familiar way again. Phil was at a game in Minneapolis, so we had this time alone. We both wanted breakfast. We decided on toast and juice and we ate it out on the terrace. The weather was gorgeous. It wasn't completely hot and sticky yet.

I stole glances of my mom while we ate. She was still very pretty, but I noticed more wrinkles around the corners of her eyes than when we lived in Phoenix. Her hair was still dark, but I knew she had been coloring it for years. She still had a great figure, but she worked at it, always trying the latest yoga or pilates craze. I wondered how she would look in another 10 years.

"Bella, did you hear me?" My mother was repeating a question. I had been engrossed in other thoughts. I sat up and looked at her.

"Oh, I'm sorry mom, what did you say?"

"Would you like to hit Market Square today? You don't have a lot of summer clothes, and there is a great place we can go for lunch." She got a mischeivous grin on her face. "Let's get your hair done today."

She saw my eyes widen, and she waved her hand in the air and said, "Oh, nothing major, just trimmed and shaped a little bit." I thought about that and smiled, "Sure it sounds like fun."

We had a good time shopping. Though I protested, my mom managed to buy me a pair of sandals and some shorts. She wanted to buy me these really cute high wedge sandals, but there was no way I was going back to Forks on crutches.

We were trying on sunglasses when my mom spied these sundresses. They were quite pretty and my mom made me try one on. Maybe it was all the sun, but I fell in love with one of the dresses. It had a small lace cutout along the bottom, and the straps tied on my shoulders. It came in lots of colors, and I chose the blue. I knew Edward would like that.

Renee dragged me into the salon. I had not trimmed my hair in over a year, it was quite long down my back and just straight. I was at a loss as to what I wanted the beautician to do, so my mom took over. When it was all dried and styled my chair was turned to look in the mirror. I was a little shocked.

She had taken off about 4 inches, so it now came to the middle of my back. I had soft layers with the shortest coming right under my chin. Instead of just straight, it was a bit rounded and curled under on the ends. I looked great! But, I realized, I also looked . . .older. I didn't look I was in High School anymore. I didn't look seventeen. I tried to show my enthusiasm for Renee's sake. I just kept staring in the mirror. Another change for me. Edward could never change.

Lunch was delicious. I had forgotten how mealtimes could be an event. Although Edward was sensitive to the fact that I needed to eat, I usually tried to downplay my hunger and grabbed something fast.

We strolled around a little after lunch, but Phil was coming back around 5:00 that evening, and I could tell my mom was getting anxious to get home. I had really enjoyed this day with her. She seemed to feel the same way.

After Phil and Renee went to bed, I took the laptop back out on the terrace. I was so excited to hear from Edward.

_Hello my love, _

_Another day without a trip to the emergency room! Would you believe we ate breakfast on the terrace this morning? The morning sun and breeze felt amazing. _

_I spent the day with Renee. It was what you would call a "girl day". We went shopping for clothes and went out to lunch. __I got my hair cut today! Nothing too drastic. I hope you like it. I really enjoyed being with my mom. What did you do today? _

_I want you to know I am doing a lot of hard thinking. I know I did the right thing in coming here. _

_I love you more every day. I think about you constantly and wish you here with me. Last night when I lay in bed I ached for you._

_Forever, Bella_

It took him a few minutes to answer.

_Hello Bella, I am so glad you enjoyed your day with Renee. These are exactly the kind of things you should be doing. Your hair would be beautiful no matter how you wore it. _

_Edward_

Maybe it was just my imagination, but he sounded like something was bothering him. I looked over my e-mail to see if what I written had done it.

Crap, I was an idiot. Without thinking, I had talked about the morning sun, breakfast, lunch, changing my hair, and being with my mom. These were all the points he brought up every time I said I wanted him to change me. So much for all the times I said this stuff didn't matter. I just gave him the ammunition to keep arguing his side. . . . . Could he be right? Did these things really matter to me?

I wrote back. I decided to play dumb.

_Hey Babe, you seem down. Do you want to talk about it? _

_Bella_

The answer came quickly. He avoided my question.

_You said you have been doing a lot of hard thinking. Could you please tell me what you have been thinking about?_

I did not think Edward should really know the thoughts that were presently going through my head. Especially considering the mood my "cheery recap of the day" e-mail had put him in. It would not be smart to start talking about treaties with werewolves and whether I would ever have a family with him. I sat there for a few minutes debating what I should write. He e-mailed again.

_Bella_.

That was all it said. I guess I'd better just do this. I wrote back.

_I have been_ _mulling over the pros and cons of changing or not_.

Well, that was pretty vague. I'm guessing he was going to hate that answer.

A message shot back.

_Would you mind being a little more_ _specific?_

Oh great. I should be honest. But, I was afraid to talk about these things without him right in front of me. It would be a lot harder for him to walk away from me than it would to walk away from a computer.

_Edward, I have not completely sorted out my thoughts. I don't want to talk to you about these things until I'm ready. Please don't be angry._

After a few minutes his e-mail came.

_It's bad enough not knowing your thoughts, when I can't see your face it's much worse. But, I'm sorry. I promised you no interference. Take all the time you need. I love you. The nights are so long without you. Edward_

My heart swelled. He was trying so hard to be understanding. I had to remember that he was still not sure I was coming back. I did my best to put his fears to rest.

_My love, _

_Thank you so much Edward. I know this is hard for you. I want you to be happy. I want to be the one who makes you happy. I can't do that unless you know I am at peace with the life I choose. Your patience helps so much. I love you so very much. _

_Forever, Bella_

I did not know if he would write back, but he did.

_Bella, _

_I was never really happy until I found you, but I understand what you mean. I want you to be at peace. Sweet Dreams. _

_Yours, Edward_

I stayed with Renee and Phil for four more days. I was making progress, but I knew I needed to get away by myself. Renee was being, well, Renee. She was asking me constantly if I had made my decision on a university, and was trying to line me up with a boy that was the son of one of the managers on Phil's team.

Phil's place was about 45 minutes away. It was actually a condo that he leased in the winter. He was very gracious to let me use it. Phil had an extra car that he was trying to sell, and he was also nice enough to let me use it to drive there. I was so excited because Edward could call me, and we could talk on the phone.

I explained to Renee that I had to leave and be by myself to think through some things. She was perceptive enough to know that I didn't come to Jacksonville for just a social visit. She knew I was trying to work through something. She had tried to talk to me a few times, but I didn't give her many details. If anybody understood my need to think before rushing into something I would regret, it was Renee. By the end of our conversation she was encouraging me to go.

The condo was perfect and the beach was beautiful, but the first thing I did was e-mail Edward and give him the phone number to my place. It was early afternoon, so I knew Edward wouldn't check it for awhile, but I didn't want to take the chance he might be close by. It had been seven days since I'd heard his beautiful voice.

I made a snack with food I'd bought on the way, and took the cordless phone outside and tested how far I would still get reception, and that's where I sat. I was only about 40 yards from the beach.

I began to think about Renee and Charlie again. Was there a way to keep them in my life if I was a vampire? Probably not for the first while. How long would I have to wait? At some point things would have to change. I would stop getting older.

How would I explain that Edward and I were not having children? Something told me Charlie would have loved to have been a grandpa. He would have been a good one. He would teach his grandson to fish.

What would happen if Jake saw me as a vampire? Would he hate me right away? Would he try to kill me? Actually, I already knew that it would be Edward he would try to kill first.

I tried to imagine me actually drinking blood from an animal. The blood would still be warm. I would thirst for it, crave it.

My thoughts drifted to something more pleasant. They went to a place I loved to go. I pictured me with Edward.

I imagined he would walk lovingly towards me. He would take me by the hand and then we would start to run. . . fast.

I was a vampire.

In my thoughts I was graceful, extremely so. I would stop running and pull him towards me. I would wrap my arms tightly around him. I would be so strong that I would take his breath away for a moment. Then I would kiss him, and we wouldn't have to stop. No one would exist in the world but us.

I wanted this dream to come true. More than anything. But, so many other frightening parts came with it.

Would this dream still hold true one hundred years from now? Two hundred years? My family would be long dead. What would Edward and I be doing that far in the future? Carlisle was over three hundred years old. The Volturi was 3,000 years old.

The phone rang and I jumped. I grabbed greedily at it and anxiously said, "Hello?"

"Bella," The velvet voice on the other end caused all the air to escape out of my lungs. All I managed to say was, "Oh Edward."

We talked for over 3 hours on the phone. I sat by the beach for a while, then it started to get dark and I went in and laid on the bed.

He told me what he had been doing. He had kept his promise and had been planning places he wanted to take me when I returned. He had kept in touch with Charlie, and told me we both had been accepted to two more colleges. One in Oregon, and one in Upstate New York. He had been helping Esme with some gardening, but he had been spending most of his time working on an addition to the house.

"You're making the house bigger?" I asked.

He had answered that Esme had always wanted a greenhouse. She wanted to be able to reach it from the house, and she wanted to be able to garden through the winter and not have to refrain on sunny days. I was relieved he had something to keep his mind occupied while I was gone.

At one point, I expressed concern about the phone bill and Edward just chuckled and said not to worry about it. If we talked this long every night his bill would be enormous!

He did not like the idea of me being in the condo all alone. I tried to tell him I was fine, even though I had never slept anywhere by myself in my whole life. My head was dizzy thinking of how great it would be if Edward and I were here together. We could go to the beach at night. He could take me swimming in the ocean. I told him my thoughts and he sighed. I told him to put this place on the list of places he would take me.

It was getting late. I stifled a yawn. Edward said he would wait while I got ready for bed. I hurried and then I grabbed the phone and climbed in the covers. He hummed my lullaby over the phone and whispered he loved me. I told him to call me in the morning. We hung up and it was the best night sleep I'd had since leaving Forks.

Edward called around 9:00 a.m. It was 7:00 a.m. for him, but if you don't sleep, I guess no time is too early.

"Good morning beautiful", he said when I answered the phone. They were taking a break from working on the greenhouse. He wanted to let me know that he wouldn't be able to talk to me that night because he would be hunting with Jasper and Emmett.

"It's like a boy's night out," I said. He chuckled at that.

The last thing he said was, "Think hard today so you can come home."

I loved hearing him say the word "home". It didn't seem like he was referring to Charlie's house.

Home. Where was my real home?

I spent most of the day out by the beach. I had never done this much thinking in my whole life, but it took me to some discoveries.

I could not have everything I wanted.

Compromise, that was the word that fit. What I had to do was figure out what things were most important to me, that I could not live without, and that would be the road I was to take.

I spent much of the day on that one topic.

I was surprised about one thing. All this time there were some things that I thought were really important, and I realized they really weren't important at all.

So that was it, just figure out in my heart and my head what I knew I would always need in my life.

I typed on my laptop some things I needed to discuss with Edward when I got back.

As I came to these discoveries, I had a few questions that needed to be answered before I could make my decision. I wasn't comfortable talking to Edward about them until I talked to Alice and Esme. I would call tonight while Edward was hunting.

I waited untiI I was sure he would be gone. Alice answered. "Alice," I said, "I need to talk to you. Can you spend some time on e-mail with me?" She laughed conspiratorially, "You bet! You know, Edward will kill me when he finds out, and you know he will."

"It's not anything I wouldn't want him to know. I plan on talking to him about all of this. You won't be breaking a confidence," I said.

I sat down to write. I was anxious as to what her answer would be.

_Alice, I don't know very much about your and Jasper's relationship. I know even less about Carlisle and Esme's. You both seem very loving, but can you tell me, is it like a human marriage? Do your vampire instincts take over the more physical ones? I mean, do you expect to be with each other for the rest of your existence, no matter how long that might be? Are you committed to each other?_

Alice answered back.

_Bella, I can't speak for how things will be for you, but I can tell you how it is for me and Jasper. We are as close as two people can be. We are actually more like one person. I don't know if it is primal, having to do with what we are, but the need for each other is extremely intense. Even vampires that do not practice as we do still have mates for life. I have never tired of Jasper, nor do I expect to. I know he feels the same about me. _

_Carlisle and Esme have an extremely intense, close relationship that has only deepened with time. _

_I will tell you that Edward commented to me once a long time ago that if he ever did find someone, he hoped his relationship would be like theirs. _

_I do want to say, I know he will never love anyone the way he loves you. I don't need to use my powers to see that. _

_Alice _

I still had one more question. This one was for Esme.

_Alice thank you, I hope I do not cause trouble for you with_ _Edward. I have a hard time talking to him about this kind of thing, since he won't even talk to me at all about being a vampire. Thank you for always being such a true friend. Is there a chance I could talk to Esme? _

She answered back quickly.

_Sure, hold on a second. By the way, you are smart to go and think this through. Edward is doing okay while you're gone. We are trying to keep him busy. See ya soon. Let me know if you have any more questions. _

A few moments passed and Esme was there

_Bella dear, how are you doing?_

It was comforting to talk to Esme. She always had that effect on me. I began my question.

_Hello Esme, I am doing well, thank you. I am making progress on all of this. I have a rather large question. I am so grateful that I have you to talk to about it. _

_Someday, I am afraid I am going to feel a great desire to be a mother. I think I know how intense that desire was for you. You must have been so distraught over the death of your baby to do what you did. You must have wanted so much to have a child. _

_I don't know if Edward ever thinks of this, and maybe I won't even care or think about it, but Esme, I am very afraid that if I become a vampire that one day I would regret not being a mother. You have found a way to have a family. There is so much love in your home. I just don't know if logically Edward and I would ever be able to have the same thing. We would both be too young to ever pass as parents. I don't want Edward to ever think I was unhappy if I chose his life. _

_I also worry about the family I already have, could I lose my parents too? Can you help me with any of this?_

My stomach was in knots wondering what she could possibly say that could help me. I was so grateful that I had Esme to talk to. I felt so alone on this topic. There was no way I could talk to my own mother. Esme had become my mother in so many ways. I knew it would take some time for her to respond. I got up and walked around the room.

Finally, her answer came.

_Dearest Bella, _

_I'm am honored you felt you could come to me with such a difficult question. And indeed, this is something you must think long and hard about. _

_First, I want you to know that Edward has thought about this. He has agonized over it for your sake. He does not want to take the experience of having a family away from you. _

_Your need for a family may never fully go away. My need for a baby has never fully left me, but I was given a different gift. Sometimes, we need to take whatever gifts we are given, and make the most of them. Carlisle and I love our children with all our hearts. My hope for you is that somewhere in your journey with Edward, whether you chose this life or staying human, that you would also receive the gifts that you desire in your heart. _

_Concerning your parents, If you decide to change, you may be able to interact with humans and be around your family, it may take years, there are no guarantees. _

_May I suggest that you should discuss this with Edward as well. I love you Bella. _

_Esme_

I wrote back and thanked her for her wisdom. My head was spinning. I lay on my bed for a very long time trying to sort out the impossible in my head. _There are no guarantees._

Choices. So many choices.

But, no matter what I did in my life there were always going to be hard choices to make.

No one in the world had ever been able to make a choice and know years down the road what the outcome would be. Well, no one but Alice. But, even so, her premonitions were all based on the changing decisions others made around her.

Everyone in the world had to make decisions based on what they knew at the time and how they felt at the moment and hope they made the right decision. They had to go on what they knew for sure and then work to make their dreams come true.

That was it.

I smiled.

My choice was coming to me clearly. I had never been more sure of anything. I was surprised at how sure I was.

I wanted to talk to Edward right then and tell him I was ready to come home. It was 1:30 a.m. and he was still hunting. I would have to wait until morning. I was so tired I just laid down on top of the bed.

I was awaken by the phone at about 9:00 a.m. the next morning. I realized when I stood up to get the phone that I had fallen asleep in my clothes.

It was Edward. He apologized for calling so early. They had just got back from hunting. His voice was very quiet.

I was worried about what he had gathered in the minds of Alice and Esme. I didn't have to wait long.

"So you had some questions for Alice and Esme," He said flatly.

I paused, "Yes," I answered.

In a trembling voice he said, "Bella, you should be a mother. I would give anything if I could. . . ." He never finished his sentence.

"Edward, they were just questions I needed answered. Esme was the best one to ask. I told you I was looking at this from every angle." I answered. I tried to downplay the significance of my concerns.

"Bella, I should have talked to you about this sooner, it's just I was so afraid to do it. I won't take away all your dreams. You would have the best life. You could be so happy. He said this in such an agonized but determined tone.

"Edward, I plan on having a very happy and full life, and guess what? I get to choose it." I could sound determined too.

"One day you will look at me and regret everything." He was sounding so upset. I could tell he was pacing.

"One day you could look at me and feel the same way," I shot back.

"That will never happen, _I'm_ the monster, _I'm_ the one with the demons, I'm the one who has done things that I can never tell you. . . . ." He stopped talking again.

What did he just say? "What Edward, what were you going to say? Please don't stop talking." I was holding the phone with both hands.

"Bella."

Oh man, I recognized this voice. This was the same voice he used when he left me.

He continued, "I am not going to call anymore or answer your e-mails. Whether or not you decide to stay human, if you are with me, I will take everything away from you. I am not worth any of this." I could hear him growl. "I am a monster . . .I. . .always have been. Long before I became a vampire. I lost my soul long, long ago."

Then there was nothing but silence.

"Edward. . . . damnit Edward. . . .you can't just. . . . what are you talking about?. . . .what did you say about your past? . . . talk to me!. . . .at least tell me you love me. . "

I was not going to be the one to hang up. I could wait, and wait, and wait . . . . . . .

Then I heard him whisper very softly, " I promised I would never leave you again, but _you _can leave . . . just leave me . . . ." I started to panic. I began to say how much I loved him when he said, "Let me . . . let me know what you decide . . . I love you Bella," and then he hung up.

I sat there staring in shock at the phone. Great, why did that particular conversation have to take place over the phone thousands of miles apart?

I sat there going over every part of our conversation. So he had thought about my future and how it should be. How nice for him. I was panicking and burning with anger all at the same time.

What did he mean that he had always been a monster? He talked about demons. He said that he had done things that he couldn't even tell me. What was he talking about?

He told me before that human memories fade, and that he had few memories of his past. He said changing was his most vivid memory. But, was there something about his past that was haunting him? Did he really have demons?

What could he have possibly done that could be so terrible?

I called his house but no one answered. I could picture Edward standing guard at the phone daring anyone to try and get past him to talk to me. I tried e-mail, but he wouldn't answer any of my attempts to talk to him.

I changed clothes and went out to the beach.

I had been ready to leave and go home.

I had everything figured out.

One thing that bothered me is that apparently Edward had these demons all along and had never confided in me. He kept so much inside. It hurt me to know that he wouldn't tell me when something was causing him so much pain.

I could go home now, but, for him, nothing would be changed. No matter what my decision was, he would keep pushing me to live a better life. If he did not get this resolved, he would never have peace, and neither would we.

How could I help him?

I didn't know what to do. I stared at the water for hours.

Maybe it was the sun, maybe it was desperation, but I decided to do something I hadn't done since I was a little girl. I decided to pray.

The last time I remember praying was when I asked God to get my mom and dad back together. That prayer was never answered, but it didn't stop me from trying now. I was losing Edward. I was losing him to something I couldn't see or feel or touch. I guess that was why I decided to talk to someone or something that I couldn't see or feel or touch either.

I didn't close my eyes or kneel down, I just sat there staring out at the waves.

"God," I began, "Edward needs your help. If you really are aware of everyone and everything, then I know you are aware of him. He is. . ." I felt the tears come. "He is a magnificent person. He is the love of my life and he is hurting. I know you are aware of what he has. . . become. He is haunted by something from is past. I know that he was loved. Are his mother and father with you?

He says that he has lost his soul, but I have never believed that was true. To be the person he is, I know he has a soul. . . a beautiful soul. I don't know how to help him. Please God, please help me know what to do. Amen."

I didn't know what I expected to happen, but nothing happened. I was once again aware of people talking around me and the waves. Clouds started to roll in. After a while it started to rain. I lifted my face up to the raindrops so I could feel the water on my face. I needed to feel something.

Edward was lost. We couldn't even start a life until there were no more demons.

I was soaking wet. I finally went inside when it was dark. I hadn't eaten all day. I took a shower and went to bed. I lay there and thought about how much I loved Edward. I had been gone eight days. I should go home. I needed to get to Edward. I needed to get to Edward. . . .

**I really hope the praying didn't frighten anyone off. Okay, I will give you a hint at what is going to happen next. Something happens during the night that changes everything for Bella. She will be leaving, but she won't be going back to Forks. . . at least not yet!**

**This is one story where I expect a lot of constructive scathing criticisms. I know it is different - let me have it. I can seriously take it. Update tomorrow.**


	4. Tears of a Boy

**Can I tell you how great I think you all are that you are being so kind on this story. It is a little heavy, and there is the whole praying thing, and yet you are all being so nice. I want to thank any and everyone for their story discussion and for the constructive criticism. It is a great help.**

**Hey, did you see there is a new movie coming out about Jane Austen? It is called "Becoming Jane" and stars Anne Hathaway. It looks like her romantic lead is Tumnus from the Chronicles of Narnia. It might not be him, it just looked like him. Anyway, I am excited about it.**

**Have you read the Eclipse quote of the day today? It is by Edward, and I don't know why, it just put butterfiles in my stomach. I love him so much. **

**I am sorry for all of you who said you liked long chapters, this one is short. But if you pay attention, there is a lot in here to absorb. You all Rock!**

**This chapter starts off exactly where the last one left off, she went to sleep thinking about Edward . . . . . **

**- - - - - - - - - - - **

I was standing on a street corner I had never seen before. I could hear a piano softly playing in the distance. It was beautiful. It played a tune that was somehow familiar, as if I knew what the next note would be.

A boy was selling newspapers on the corner. I was looking at him, and I was puzzled to realize that boys hadn't sold newspapers that way for many years. I heard footsteps behind me, and I turned to see a man run past me hurrying to a crowd of people. As I took a step toward him, the piano notes became louder and more insistent, so I followed.

As I got closer to the crowd, I realized these people were all wearing clothes I only saw in very old photos. I saw a horse pulling a carriage come down the street. It slowed when it saw the commotion, and then hurried on.

Everyone was gathered, looking at something. Many were shaking their heads, some had their head in their hands. The crowd was growing bigger, and I strained my neck to see what everyone was staring at.

Suddenly, everything changed. I was pulled to the center of the crowd and I was sitting on the ground by a beautiful bronze haired boy about 12 years old. He had a look of horror on his face. Tears were falling from his beautiful green eyes.

I looked down to see why he was crying. He was grasping a pretty little girl tightly to his chest. She had on a lovely white dress that was covered in blood and dirt. She was about six or seven years old with dark ringlets. Her body was twisted in a strange way . . . and she was dead.

I heard a woman scream, "Annie!"

I could tell the lady was pushing through the crowd, but my eyes were fixed on the lovely boy burying his face in the girl's hair. His tears fell into her curls as he chanted over and over again, "I did it, I killed her, It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault.

I couldn't pull my face away from his tears.

Images were coming at me lightning fast now.

A man with dark hair and a mustache was beating the beautiful boy. While he hit him he was yelling, "You killed my little girl!"

The piano music was getting closer, louder.

Next, the boy was asleep. He was thrashing and twisting in his bed. He was muttering "Annie, come back. I'm sorry. . . Don't go. . . I'll keep you safe." He was breathing harder and harder, until finally he sat up and screamed, "Annie!"

The piano was playing faster.

The boy was now a young man. He looked thinner. He was stumbling through a dark filthy alley. I was following beside him. He was choking out the words, "Please come home. Please forgive me." He was talking to no one. He seemed to be searching for someone.

The piano music was so close now.

The young man, was kneeling at a grave. There were fall leaves swirling in the breeze all around him. He put his head in his hands. No sound escaped from his lips. I looked at the headstone. There were no dates inscribed. Only the words, "Beloved Annabelle".

There was one more scene. I was on the street where the little girl died. The wind was whipping through the street. Men were holding their hats tight against their head.

A carriage slowed and then stopped right beside me. The same young man stepped out of the carriage. He was older. His beautiful face showed concern and fatigue. He was flushed and there was a layer of perspiration on his forehead. His breathing was labored. He was dressed in black. He turned around and put out his hand to help a bronze haired woman out of the carriage.

She, also wearing black, turned to look at the young man so that I couldn't see her face. I heard her weak voice say, "He loved you, Edward. Never doubt that. It was you who brought him back to us. It is never too late to be redeemed."

There were tears in the corners of his eyes and I heard him say, "Mother, I am so sorry. I don't feel well, I think I caught it from Father,". . . and then he collapsed.

"Edward!"

I awoke with a scream. I didn't know who screamed Edward's name, the woman in the dream, or me. I could hear piano notes hanging in the air.

It was still raining hard outside. The room was completely dark.

The brief scenes in the dream came shooting back at me. I was terrified. I was sitting up with my blankets clutched tightly in my hands.

The boy in my dream . . . it was Edward. Edward was a little boy. He was holding a little girl who was dead. How did she die?

Who was that man beating Edward? Edward looked so afraid. That kind woman had to be Edward's mother.

Why would I dream something so strange? How could these images have come to me? My heart was pounding as I realized that there was no way I could have made up what I had dreamed. It had to be real.

I had just had a dream about Edward. I saw a part of his life I never knew. I saw him as a human. I saw tears in his eyes.

Were the images I just saw describing what Edward had been talking about, the ones that made him a monster?

I got out of bed. I was standing there in the dark confused and unsure about what to do, but I knew there would be no more sleep tonight. I began walking around the condo going over everything I remembered about the dream.

Did Edward have these same scenes going through his mind? Did he know what they meant? Was he confused and not able to remember enough about being human to make sense of it all? That pretty little girl, I remembered her name was Annie, was dead. . . my tears started to come. Edward believed he killed that little girl. Did he kill her? I wanted to hold Edward and tell him everything would be all right.

A few hours later, as the sun was rising, I began to calm down enough that I could think more clearly.

I felt strongly that the images I saw, were the ones that were playing over and over in Edward's mind. Edward was remembering the same images I saw in my dream, but he didn't understand them.

Did Edward have demons? Oh yes, he did. For all these years he had images and feelings he couldn't match up or make sense of. He was being tortured by a past he didn't fully understand.

Edward thought he was a monster because of these memories, but I didn't. I refused to believe that Edward killed that little girl. I was determined to find out what really happened.

As the sun rose, I realized that me, having this dream, was a miracle for a beautiful angel that so badly needed one. God, or whoever it was, had helped me this far, and I knew what I had to do next. I was going to Chicago.

**Good job Shining Star for guessing that she would go to Chicago! Good luck Bella! Let me know what you are thinking . . . . See ya tomorrow!**


	5. The Visitor

**Hey, I am having a great time sharing my story with you guys. I can't believe how fantastic and helpful you all are.**

**Recap: Yesterday, Bella had just had an amazing dream about Edward's past and a little girl named Annie. She is going to Chicago to try and solve the mystery** . . . .

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After packing in a flurry, I was back at Phil and Renee's by mid-morning. I found a flight that would get me to Chicago tomorrow afternoon. Phil came through again. He had contacts that got me a hotel room in Chicago. Some kind of trade for when the guy came to Florida for spring training.

Renee was much more understanding than I thought she'd be. I was extremely distracted and jumpy that day and, not true to form, she attempted to be a responsible and calm mother. She wanted to know why I was going to Chicago and I told her that I had applied to schools in that area and that I needed to visit the campuses of each one before I made my final choice. Just as I'd hoped, she was eager for me to go.

I hated lying to her, but I thought that the real story; the love of my life is a hundred and six-year old vampire and I have find out if he killed a little girl when he was twelve, was a bit much.

That night at Phil and Renee's, I lay there in bed trying to make any more sense of my dream. I had a plan of where to begin looking for clues, but wouldn't Edward have tried to find out all this himself? I wasn't sure I could make a difference. I hugged the pillow next to me. Oh, how I missed him. I wanted his cold marble arms around me. I wanted to rest my head on his stone chest and feel his cold lips on mine. It had been almost two days since I had talked to him. What if he really thought I had decided not to come back?

The next morning I packed quickly. My flight left at 10:00 a.m. As I packed up my laptop, I wanted so much to tell Edward where I was going. I thought that even if he didn't answer me, he would at least know where I would be. I hesitated. I had a feeling that if I told him I was going to Chicago to look into his past he would be very angry. He might try to interfere, or talk me out of it. I put the laptop in my suitcase and left for the airport.

At around 2:00 that afternoon, I stepped out of the airport in Chicago. It was muggy. Once again, I felt all the heat and humidity. The heat had a wetness to it that made my clothes stick to me. I felt that when I exhaled I would be able to see my breath like in the winter, only it would come out as steam.

I got a taxi and gave him the address to the hotel. I hadn't been in a taxi since I was racing to meet James that awful day in Phoenix. On that day, I thought I would never see Edward again, but he had been on his way to save me. Now I was fighting to save him.

The taxi went on Lake Shore Drive past Lake Michigan. I could see people and children standing by the shore. Did Edward play here when he was little? I saw large trees dotting the sides of the road. Were these trees here when Edward was a boy? Thinking of him as a human made him seem so much more vulnerable.

I threw my bags in the room and found a bus that would take me to the city building that dealt with past records. I was sure the offices closed at 5:00. It was already after 3:00, but I wasn't going to waste any time.

After talking with a very business-like but helpful lady, I was staring at a computer filled with data from 1900-1920.

I began with what I knew. I typed in Edward Anthony Masen. Several individuals came on the screen. I began narrowing it down. It took a while, but I found one that had birth and death dates that seemed to fit. Edward Anthony Masen Jr. born June 20, 1901 - died August 15, 1918. I hated to see Edward's death date on that screen. His parents were Elizabeth and Edward Sr. He was the only child listed.

I had no idea how to find out who Annie was. I had the Masen's last address. It was an apartment building. I looked for Annie using that same apartment building's address, but there was nothing. By the time I got this far in my search, the city offices were about to close, which meant I would have to wait until tomorrow to continue.

That night when I went back to the hotel, I wanted so much to talk to Edward. I wondered what he would do if he knew I was here. Alice had to know that I had come to Chicago.

I was staring at an address on my laptop. It was the last known address for Edward and his parents. Five minutes later I was in a cab with the address in my hand. It wasn't very far out of the city. Fifteen minutes later, I was standing in front of what used to be Edward's home.

I stepped onto the curb and looked up. It was now a high rise office building, but as I concentrated harder, I could see the same street that existed so long ago.

I looked around me, this was his same view, same sky. I took a deep breath. This was where he had breathed air as a human boy. This was where his heart was beating. His hopes and dreams had been so different here. He had no idea what lay in his future.

I stared at the sidewalk at about the spot I remembered from my dream and thought of him as a young boy holding Annie. I remembered his tears. I stared at the spot where as a young man he had collapsed.

There could have been such a different ending. He could have died, long forgotten. But instead, his beautiful face pounded in my heart and gave me my reason for everything. Once again I silently thanked Carlisle for saving my angel for me.

I saw people walking down the sidewalk, but I knew that none of them could help me. No one would remember Edward, or Annabelle. No one was alive that would remember, no one.

I had a restless sleep that night. Tomorrow would be three days since I had talked to Edward and the last thing he had done was to basically ask me to leave him. Even though he said that he wouldn't answer my calls or e-mails, I didn't know what I'd say at this point anyway. No matter how much I said I loved him, he would still think he was a monster.

I was at the city offices waiting when they opened the next morning. I was more determined than ever to solve this mystery. I had one idea. There had to be some mention of a little girl's death. Last night I was thinking about my dream and the little boy who was selling newspapers on the corner. I went back to the same helpful lady and she directed me to records of past newspaper articles.

From the dream, I did the math in my head and judged Annie to be about six or seven years old. Edward looked to be about 12, so that would put it between the years of 1912-1913. Good a place as any to start.

The rest of the day was spent clicking through page after page of newsprint. My eyes were going blurry from scanning so much information.

I had about 20 more minutes before they would close and I was very discouraged. I rubbed my tired eyes. I had not found one clue about Annie. I started to doubt that my dream had any bearing on reality. What if it _was_ just a crazy dream?

I had just let out an aggravated sigh when a name caught my eye on the death-birth page. It was just one line.

"Annabelle Ruth Masen, died October 2, 1913. Born January 28, 1906. Seven years old. 749 Pierpont Avenue, Chicago.

This address and Edward's were the same. The article gave her name as Annabelle Masen. Could Annie have been Edward's sister? There was no record of her. Maybe a cousin? It had to be the same Annie. I was confused. I went to the front desk and showed her my conflicting information. She too, was confused.

She gave me a list of four or five leads that I could try the next day, but she was not very hopeful I would find anything.

That night in my hotel room I lay in bed listening to the sounds of an unfamiliar city. I had to find Annie. She had to exist somewhere. I would only be able to stay in Chicago for a few more days. Phil could only give me a week. I did not want to go back to Forks without a resolution. Edward and I didn't have much of a chance of a future if his demons kept him from having peace.

Annie's pretty face and ringlets were the last image I remembered before falling asleep that night.

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I could hear the piano music again. It was so beautiful. The chords seemed to be yearning for me to listen.

I thought I was all alone, but as I turned, I could see someone coming in the distance. It was a woman. As she got closer, I could feel my excitement begin to build.

A beautiful woman with bronze hair and vibrant green eyes was looking at me with so much emotion in her face. She smiled and reached out to me.

"Bella," she said. "Thank you for making my son so happy. He has been waiting for you for so long." She reached out her warm hand to touch my face as only a mother can and said, "You love him a great deal."

All I could do was nod my head and say, "Yes."

She looked so much like Edward. The same goodness. So much love coming from her face.

She took my hand in both of hers and said, "Tell him his soul is _not_ lost." She was looking at me with such fervency that it appeared as if there was fire in her eyes. She was holding on to my hand so tightly. Then she said, "It is never too late to be redeemed."

Her expression changed, and she took her hands and placed them on both sides of my face and said, "Sarah Jane Dutton." I was so surprised by this change of subject that I asked, "What?" She looked into my eyes and repeated, "Sarah Jane Dutton." She backed away from me and she was gone.

I awoke to find tears on my cheek. I blinked in the darkness. It took about 5 seconds for me to realize that I had just "talked" to Edward's mother. I put my hand over my mouth as I began to cry again.

She was beautiful. She was also beautiful on the inside just like her son. I wanted to talk to her again. I had so many questions. She seemed aware of what Edward had been going through. I couldn't wait to tell him. Wait. . .there was more to the dream. A name.

For a moment I thought I'd forgotten, then it came to me, Sarah Jane Dutton. I jumped out of bed. It was about 4:00 a.m. I rubbed my face. These dreams and visitations were wreaking havoc with my sleep.

I leafed through all the information I had gathered on my laptop. There was no mention of any Duttons. After double checking my notes, I had an idea come to me to look in the phone book.

Could it be that easy? The Chicago phone book was huge. It was divided into three sections. I found Duttons in the first two sections, but none with the first name Sarah. If her husband's name was listed instead of hers, I would never find her this way. My finger started down the last section of Duttons.

"Oh my gosh," I said to myself.

There was a Sarah Dutton. I felt a chill run through me. It was 5:15 a.m., still too early to call. I probably couldn't call until 9:00 a.m.. What the heck was I going to say?

Honesty was not going to work in this situation. There was a university close by. I could be a researcher working on a paper. Time crept on while I came up with a plausible explanation for calling this woman. _Please let her be the right Sarah Dutton_, I kept thinking.

At 7:00 a.m. I took a shower. As I let the hot water run over my tired muscles, I stood there shaking my head. Edward's mother appeared to me. She talked to me and gave me the name of someone who could possibly answer Edward's lifelong questions. Did this happen to everyone who prayed?

The closer it got to 9:00 a.m. the harder my heart began to pound. I could feel it in my ears. Finally at 8:50 a.m. I called. The phone rang twice, three times, "Holy Crow, someone answer the phone!" I thought. Then a tiny older voice answered. "Hello."

"Hello," my voice cracked. "Is this Mrs. Sarah Jane Dutton?" "Yes," she answered warily.

"My name is Isabella Swan and I am a student from Northwestern University. I am a student working on a report about family life in the early 1900's, and I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about your family."

"Okay," she was clearly suspicious now. I had her address, if she hung up on me I was prepared to go beat on her door.

I asked the big question, "Do you know an Annabelle Masen, possibly related to an Edward Masen family?"

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Hello?" I squeaked.

Finally I heard her voice. She was clearly emotional, "I haven't heard those names in so many years."

I collapsed on the bed. I wasn't prepared to get this far. I stammered, "Could. . . could I meet with you to discuss them, possibly today?"

"Yes," she said with much enthusiasm. "Come anytime."

I looked at the clock. "I'll be there in an hour," I said. I grabbed my purse and a notebook and ran out the door.

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**Is the story keeping you interested? You guys are the best - See ya tomorrow!**


	6. Sarah

**Hey People! I am about to break 40 reviews! Have you read the Quote of the day? It is by Rosalie and it is a good one. Only 23 more days until Eclipse. I got an invite from Barnes & Noble for a midnight party because of the whole pre-ordering Eclipse thing. I called 4 of my friends and said, "Guess what we're doing at midnight Aug. 6th? They were like, "Uh what?" "Going to an Eclipse party that's what!" So, I am a just a little excited. I'll probably stay 10 minutes, just long enough to buy my book and then say, "See ya, I am going to read my book!"**

**Thank you to all who straightenend me out about the whole Edward's b-day thing. I changed it as soon as I got the correct info. I have a hard time navigating the Lexicon site. I wish I had one of you here to help me. I can't seem to get anywhere on it.**

**Okay . . . are we ready to meet Sarah Dutton?**

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The address I got from the phone book took me about twenty minutes out of the city. The taxi stopped in front of a house that was small, but well cared for. There were flowers planted out front and a wind chime on the front porch. There were two white wicker chairs to the left of the front door. It reminded me a lot of my Gram's house.

I took a deep breath. I knocked softly and a small elderly woman answered the door. There was a screen door that was still shut. She looked at me expectantly. "Hello, Mrs. Dutton, I am Isabella Swan." She smiled and let me in.

"Please," she said, "Call me Sarah." She was very small. She walked hunched over and she seemed quite feeble, but out of her eyes I could sense that she was excited to see me.

The door opened into her living room which was decorated in an older fashion. There was an antique lamp on a table by the front door with a large crocheted doily under it. I could hear a grandfather clock ticking loudly next to the table. She directed me to a large couch. In the room was another couch and a piano. There were many pictures of family on the walls and tables.

"Thank you so much for seeing me on such short notice," I said.

"I am very pleased to speak to you about my family." She replied. She then took a seat on the couch across from me.

I decided to jump right in. "Sarah," I began, "Are you related to the Masens?"

"I was related to Annabelle, but not to the Masens," she answered matter of factly.

She could see my confused expression and she smiled reassuringly.

"Perhaps I better start at the beginning," she smiled.

Her eyes got a far away look in them. She was picturing images that I couldn't see. I got out my notebook. I had to make this look official. I should be taking notes.

"My mother was Ruth Bahn. She was a German immigrant that came to America with her parents when she was 16. Life was very hard for them. My mother worked very hard doing odd jobs just to help the family buy food. One of the families she worked for was the Masens." My ears perked up at the name.

"When my mother was 19, she met a handsome young man with whom she fell madly in love. She was very naïve and innocent. The man promised marriage and she gave her heart to him. My mother became pregnant. When she told this young man the news, he left and she never saw him again."

Sarah shook her head and put her hand up to the side of her face. "My mother was beside her self with grief and desperation. She had nowhere to turn. Her father had all but disowned her when he found out." Sarah shifted a little in her seat. She groaned against her old bones and muscles, then she continued her story.

"Luckily, my mother had become very close to Elizabeth Masen," Sarah smiled. "To my mother, she was such a fascinating person."

I leaned forward in my chair. "What did your mother say about Elizabeth?" I came across much too anxious.

Sarah continued. "Well, first of all, Elizabeth Masen was a very accomplished pianist." I sucked in air and Sarah stared at me. "Please continue," I said.

"She was well educated and had traveled quite extensively. She would talk about places my mother had never heard of. She was also involved in many political matters, which was quite scandalous for that time." I smiled at that. She went on.

"I believe what my mother loved best about Elizabeth was her loving nature. She worshipped her husband, and absolutely adored her young son." When Sarah mentioned Edward, I tried very hard not to show emotion. I was afraid she was getting suspicious.

"Her son was named Edward Jr. wasn't it?" I asked.

"Yes, it was." For the first time Sarah's voice showed sadness. "My mother would tend little Edward on occasion for Elizabeth. Apparently, Elizabeth had tried for quite awhile to have a child, and finally she had Edward."

I smiled at that. It was one more way that Edward was a miracle.

Sarah continued. "My mother always said Edward was such a handsome and healthy child." She paused as she remembered back wistfully and then she said, "I thought the world of him too."

I stared at her with my mouth open. "You knew Edward?" I gasped.

"Yes, I did," she continued. "I still think of him often. I will never forget him. Edward was born in 1901 and I was born in 1910. He was nine years older than I, but he was so kind to me. When my mother and I would visit, he would always sneak candy to me." Sarah actually giggled when she said that. "He never treated me like a little girl. He always hugged me as if I reminded him of . . . Oh my goodness," Sarah suddenly said, "I am getting ahead of my story."

I was so involved with what she was saying about Edward that I had forgotten all about Annie. I couldn't believe it! Here was someone who could tell me so much about Edward, and it seemed like he was just as wonderful back then.

"Please continue," I begged.

"Well," Sarah said, "My mother, Ruth, asked Elizabeth if when her baby was born, she would take the child and raise it as her own. Elizabeth was overjoyed. Her husband was also thrilled at the promise of another child.

"Elizabeth and Edward Sr. did not leave my mother to fend for herself. They moved her into a building close to where they lived and cared for her. It was the first real tenderness my mother had ever known."

"This child was Annabelle wasn't it?" I was beginning to put the pieces together.

"Yes, this was Annie," Sarah stated with a smile. "She was born in 1906 when Edward Jr. was five years old. My mother loved her, but she was overjoyed to see her daughter have such a loving family. This was something my mother was not able to give to her at that time. The father, Edward Sr., was especially taken with Annie. He carried her everywhere, showed her to everyone, and bought her the prettiest dresses."

Sarah continued talking, "The Masens made sure my mother could see Annie. My mother came to be like a dear aunt to her. It was a very happy time for all of them."

Sarah finished her thought, "My mother eventually met a very good man, my father, and they were married. I was their first child."

My heart was pounding. I could feel it in my ears. I swallowed hard and asked the question, "Sarah, in my records, it shows that Annie died. How did Annie die?"

Sarah sighed, "I was three years old. I have no memory of it. Edward and his friends were playing baseball in a vacant lot just outside their apartment. Annie was always tagging along. Usually, Edward included her in everything he did. They were extremely close. Edward treated her like his little princess.

On this particular day, however, he just wanted to play with the boys. Annie whined and put up a big fuss, but Edward still said no. He was a little harsh because he was embarrassed. The boys were teasing him, and saying that he should go play with her dolls." Sarah sighed hard and continued.

"Annie ran away crying. As she ran, she turned to yell something at Edward and she stumbled into the road at the exact moment a carriage pulled by four horses passed by. She was killed instantly. Edward saw the whole thing. She was only seven years old when she died."

I sucked in my breath. At first, I felt sick at the sad story about Annie, and then. . . relief. I knew it. I just knew Edward did not kill Annie.

All these years, he thought he had killed her.

Even as a little boy, he was putting too much on himself. In my dream he kept saying it was all his fault. It was just a horrible accident.

Sarah was staring at me. She was confused by my reaction to her story.

I came back to my senses. "That is so sad that Annie died that way," I said.

Sarah shook her head. "Her death changed many things. Edward felt so responsible for what happened. He held tremendous guilt and put the burden of what happened to Annie completely on himself. My mother told me that he had terrible nightmares after her death and didn't play with his friends or leave the house much at all for quite some time." Sarah shook her head and her eyes narrowed. "The worst part was what it did to Edward Sr. He couldn't handle Annie being gone, and he blamed his son for her death."

I thought about the terrible scene from my dream where I saw Edward's father beating him, and saying Edward had killed her.

"He was just a twelve year old boy," I whispered, without really meaning for Sarah to hear.

"Exactly," Sarah said with much force. "Edward Sr. tore that beautiful family apart with his grief. He began to drink heavily, and treated his son terribly. Elizabeth and Edward Jr. grieved for Annie too, but the father was inconsolable. Edward Jr. never retaliated on any of the things his father did. He never got angry. He was patient and loving with his father no matter what was done to him."

Sarah met my gaze as she said, "It was Edward who eventually saved the family by bringing his father back to them. He had been missing for over a month and Edward found him."

I remembered the heartbreaking scene from my dream of Edward searching for someone in that dark and dirty alley. It was all making sense now. If it was possible, I loved Edward even more now than I did before.

I gathered my emotions and asked, "So, you grew up seeing them as a happy family once again?"

Sarah nodded. "Through Edward Jr. and Elizabeth's love, he finally pulled through his grief. He forgave his son completely."

"You were old enough to remember Edward now, weren't you?" I desperately wanted to know all she could tell me about him.

Sarah smiled. "Yes, it was as if Edward was my protector and brother. He would meet me every morning and carry me on his shoulders and walk me to school. He was always afraid something would happen to me, like Annie. He was always asking me to be careful and be safe." She sighed and said, "He was so handsome." Sarah looked out the window again, "I was completely taken by him." For a moment, she was lost in her thoughts. I wish I could have seen what she was picturing in her mind. She then turned to me and continued speaking.

"He was my best friend and he didn't seem to mind a little girl following him everywhere. He taught me how to play games and would read books to me. There were many girls his age who wanted his attention." She laughed and said, "I was so jealous of them!" Her voice grew softer as she said, "But, he never returned any of their affections. He told me that someday a girl would capture his heart, and he would never let her go." She closed her eyes and said, "I always hoped it would be me."

I stared at her. My mind was racing over everything I could tell her. She interrupted my thoughts with more of her story.

She wiped at her eyes and said, "He never seemed to mind me interrupting his studies. He was very smart and was planning on college."

Sarah turned her head and smiled at me through her tears. She leaned in as if she was telling me an important secret, "Besides my memories, Edward gave me one more thing that was even more lasting."

"What was that?" I just had to know.

Sarah smiled, "He taught me to play the piano."

My head jerked up and I stared at her. I choked out the words, "He taught you to play the piano?"

Sarah was still smiling. "Elizabeth taught him to play, but he had a talent all his own." Her face turned to the piano that I had seen in the room, "He taught me on that piano right there. It was his."

My breath came out of me as I turned to look at the piano. Without thinking I got up and slowly walked over and touched it. Tears began to spill down my cheeks. My hands ran softly over the keys. "Oh Edward," I whispered.

I was lost in my own thoughts when I realized Sarah was beside me.

She began to speak with emotion, "Edward was so sick, and they wouldn't let me see him. When he died, I cried for days. I was nine years old and my heart was broken." When she looked at me, I could see tears in her eyes as well.

Sarah continued speaking, "Unbeknownst to us, the Masens had named us their beneficiaries in their will. Everything went to us. To ease my grief, my mother gave me Edward's piano." She then reached out and touched the piano lovingly.

She looked up at me and said, "He taught me many songs, but would you like to hear my favorite? It was one that he wrote himself."

I was still so choked with emotion that I couldn't answer. I enthusiastically nodded my head.

As she was moving out the bench, and getting ready to sit down, she chuckled a bit and said, "Let's see if I can get my 96 year old hands moving."

Sarah began to play. The first few notes floated up to me and my hands came up to my mouth to stifle a cry.

Sarah was playing my lullaby.

I closed my eyes and listened to the music fill my heart. The tears were running unchecked down my face. I was so overcome I couldn't do anything but listen to the notes fill the room.

This was the music that had also been woven through my dream. I had forgotten, until just that moment.

As the last few notes drifted away, she turned to look at me. She must have been surprised to see me so emotional. She must have wondered how I could act that way for someone I'd never known.

I tried to cover for myself by saying, "That song was so beautiful. I've never heard anything like it." I reached out to touch the piano again and said, "And to hear it played on this particular piano has meant everything."

She seemed very appreciative that I would care that much.

"I have one more thing to show you," she said. On a side table she reached for a large envelope. "This is a picture of the Masen family. It was taken after Annie was born."

I anxiously opened it and saw a beautiful family picture. It was yellowed in the background and had faded somewhat, but all I could do was stare at the little five year old boy. He was standing next to his mother with his hand in her lap. I touched his face. Annie was in a lovely flowing dress and was held by her father. I recognized Edward Sr. as the man from my dream, and Elizabeth was just as beautiful.

Having looked at it for a time, I held it out to Sarah. She shook her head and said, "It's yours. It is actually a well-made copy."

"Thank you." I whispered. I couldn't imagine what it would mean for Edward to have this.

I had one more question. "Sarah, how come Annie did not show up on the records with the Masen family? Didn't they adopt her?"

Sarah nodded her head and said, "The reason you didn't see Annie on the records, was because my mother's parents would not allow it. They considered Annie their grandchild and threatened to take the baby and raise her themselves, so the Masens agreed, planning to legally adopt her at a later time. After she died, there was so much tumult with Edward Sr., that it was put off again. They were in the process of having her added to their records when they were all taken so quickly."

She sighed and in a dream like voice I heard her say, "Once, a few months after Edward passed away I looked out my window in the middle of the night and, I could swear I saw him there. I watched him for a time. He just stared at me." Sarah was far away, lost in her thoughts. "I ran down the stairs and when I got outside he was gone." She then waved her hand as if to wipe away the memory. "I suppose it was my wishful thinking that brought that vision to me," she laughed softly.

The grandfather clock chimed the hour. I could tell that Sarah was tiring. My time here was done. I called for a taxi. I hugged her and thanked her. I gave her my name and address in case she thought of anything else to tell me. I think I mentioned something about how this would be the best paper anyone had ever written.

As I stood there about to go, our eyes locked and I thought about she and I.

We were two people born 79 years apart who loved the same beautiful boy. What would she do if she knew that Edward had been alive all these years, frozen in time just as she remembered him?

She had no idea what she had given me, given Edward. I couldn't wait to let Edward know about this woman who hadn't forgotten him.

Before I got in the taxi, I turned and looked at the house one more time, and then I left.

When I got back to the hotel, I packed all my things and sat down at the laptop to find the fastest flight to Seattle. There was a flight leaving in 3 hours and I bought a ticket. I struggled with wondering if I should let Edward know I was coming back. The strong desire to hear his velvet voice won out. I picked up the phone and began to dial when I remembered that he would see the Chicago area code.

I e-mailed him not knowing if he would see it.

_Edward, my love,_

_I am coming back. I will hopefully be home sometime tomorrow. I have figured out everything and I know exactly what I want. Ready or not, here I come. Close your eyes, and feel me hold you. _

_All my love,_

_Bella_

Just before I walked out of the hotel room, I turned and paused. I didn't really think Elisabeth was in the room, but I said, "Elisabeth, thank you. I will take care of him and love him forever." Then I left.

I sat down to eat after checking in at the gate. My heart was pounding as I thought about seeing Edward again.

I wondered how he would react to everything I would tell him. I wanted his demons gone. I wanted his arms around me and to have him look into my eyes without holding back because of the monster he thought he was. I wanted us to start out lives from here on with happiness.

I checked my e-mail for like the fiftieth time, and there was nothing.

I went and sat at the gate. I was so restless. It was raining outside. I watched as it pelted against the large windows. I wanted the rain to wash away all these miles between me and Edward. I busied myself by typing up all the information I had received from Sarah while it was fresh in my head. I finished just as they started boarding the plane.

I was just shutting my laptop when I saw the alert saying I had a message. It simply said,

_Bella, I will be here waiting._

_Yours,_

_Edward_

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**What do you think? Did you like Sarah? Please tell me how think the story is going. It is so fun to hear what your opinion. See you tomorrow!**


	7. The Ancient Tree

**I want to say that I am so sorry that I did not update yesterday. I got some kind of food poisoning or something late Saturday night. I went to a fast food place with friends and when I got home I started feeling very strange. Anyway, I wasn't in any shape to get to a computer. Please forgive me. I am feeling much better now.**

**Okay, so here's the chapter that I used in my other story "Coming Back To You" after he proposes on the Space Needle. Honestly, I like how it turned out in the other story better than this one, but oh well.**

**Recap: Bella was boarding a plane back to Forks and she got an e-mail from Edward right before she left saying he would be there waiting.**

**I wanted to put the words to a simple song here that fits her heading back to Forks perfectly. It fits the very end of the last chapter too when she is waiting for the plane and it's raining. When I wrote this story back in February, this song inspired me. It is "Ordinary World" by Katharine McPhee. Every time I hear the piano part at the beginning, I picture her staring out the window of the plane as it takes off. I did change one word from "you" to "I" in the first stanza.**

_The sun has forgotten how to shine,_

_And the colors all have faded into shades of gray,_

_There's no rhyme, in this hollow heart of mine,_

_Ever since I went away._

_Close your eyes and feel me hold you, _

_Can you lead me through this ordinary world?_

_Let the sky run restless rain,_

_To wash away the miles between us, _

_Cause without you, it's just an ordinary world._

_If time could find a way to turn around,_

_I would walk along the stars _

_Till I was back at your door._

_Every word spoken but without a sound, _

_And I found out what my heart was for._

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There was so much for me to think about, but I slept all the way to Seattle. I think the fact that I was finally on my way back to Edward made my body relax. I had been on edge and nervous ever since our last phone call, and of course there were my dreams and visitations keeping me awake. It had been a long two weeks.

When I got off the plane, I went to the ticket counter. I had not been able to get a flight on-line to Port Angeles. As luck would have it, there was one more flight leaving that day. I bought one of the last seats, but it was leaving in fifteen minutes. I asked the lady to alert them I was on my way and then I raced through the airport to the gates with the smaller planes. I was clumsy enough when I was just walking through the airport with my suitcase, when I had to run, it was much more difficult. I am pretty sure I badly injured one man when my suitcase rammed into his leg, but I just kept running as I turned my head back yelling, "Sorry!" I made the plane wait for me for a few minutes. I breathlessly plopped down in my seat and settled in for the hour flight.

By the time I got out of the Port Angeles Airport, it was after midnight. I wanted to just drive right back to Edward, but I knew that by the time I got a rental car and started on my way it would be around two or three in the morning when I finally reached him. And even though I slept from Chicago to Seattle, I was exhausted. I needed rest for my big day tomorrow, so I found a hotel room.

The next morning, after a good night's sleep without one dream or visitor from the past, I was ready to see Edward. I did my hair just like the girl at the hair salon did it, and I put on the blue sundress Renee had bought me. I even still had a slight tan from laying on the beach for three days.

I purposely did not let my parents know I was on my way to Forks. Renee still thought I was in Chicago, and I hadn't really kept in touch with Charlie while I was gone. I could have had Charlie or Edward meet me in Port Angeles, but I rented a car so I could drive back in silence and use that time to think. As I paid for the car, I tried to ignore the dent this trip had made in my college savings.

When I drove out of town, I passed the Italian Restaurant, _La Bella_ _Italia_, where Edward had taken me the night I told him I knew he was a vampire.

So much had happened since then. That night, on the drive home, I had been so afraid that I was falling deeper and deeper in love with someone who could never love me in the same way. How could I ever even imagine that someone like Edward could love me? That night, he began pushing me away, telling me how dangerous he was, telling me it should matter very much to me that he was a vampire. He seemed so upset that I obviously cared so much for him.

I closed my eyes. I needed Edward in my life as much as I needed air to breathe. Miraculously, he seemed to feel the same. I prayed that after today, he would no longer push me away, that he would see that he was so much more, so much better, than he thought he was.

I went over and over in my mind what I planned to say to him. My heart pounded harder with every mile. The surroundings gradually became more lush and green and I laughed at how this calmed me. I used to hate this wet, dense greenness all around me, now it was home.

I didn't stop at my house. If Charlie didn't know I was home, that would give me the freedom to stay with Edward much longer, maybe even until tomorrow! I knew this was definitely a unique opportunity for Edward and I to be together. Being with Edward that long without any interruption made me almost giddy.

As I pulled in front of the Cullen house, I smiled. It looked absolutely beautiful. Esme's flowers were everywhere. I wondered how many of these flowers Edward had planted. I stopped the car and got out. I became very anxious when he didn't come to meet me. Was he still planning to push me away?

I went to the door and Esme answered. She looked surprised to see me, and then gave me a loving hug.

"We did not expect you so soon," she said. She guided me inside and then answered what was to obviously be my next question. "Emmett and Jasper took him hunting last night. He was pacing the floor until after 3:00 a.m. They'd had enough." She laughed again retelling the story. "They each grabbed an arm and said they would be home about 11:00 a.m. this morning." I glanced at my watch and my heart palpitations began all over again. He would be here within the hour.

Esme could sense my anxiety and she said, "Bella, the back yard is so lovely this time of year, would you like to sit and talk with me in my favorite spot?"

I gratefully smiled and nodded my head.

Esme grabbed a blanket from a window seat and we headed out the back door. I stood there in surprise. The back yard looked magical. I felt like a fairy princess stepping into an enchanted garden. Every flower, every tree was blooming. It was breathtaking.

"Did you plant all of this?" I asked wondrously.

She smiled her widest smile and said, "Edward helped me plant all of this. He has tended this garden like a mother hen." She laughed and said, "When he wasn't helping with the greenhouse, he was with me. I had no idea that your leaving would release so much penned up energy in my son."

I stared out. Even as a vampire I would think they would have had to work day and night on this without rest. We walked down the large steps and the flower garden gradually opened into lush green grass. She guided me to a beautiful ancient tree that seemed to envelop you as you stepped underneath it. It was just feet from the slow moving river. I had been in the backyard before, but I had never walked under this tree.

Esme spread out the blanket and sat down. I sat to the side of her and we looked out at the river. The weather was just how I liked it. The clouds were thick, but for now there was no threat of rain. The air was warm and calm, with just a small breeze. I could see a portion of the greenhouse as it wrapped around the other side of the house.

"Will you show me the greenhouse?" I asked. Esme smiled at me and said, "I will let Edward show you." Her forehead knit into concern as she said, "Bella, that was a very heavy question you asked me a few days ago. Do you know what you plan to do about it?"

"Esme," I said thoughtfully, "I can only answer this way. If Carlisle had been able to talk to you before he changed you and given you a choice, what would you have chosen?"

She thought for a moment then answered, "Carlisle asked me that shortly after we fell in love. I'll give you the answer I gave him. At first, I was scared. I knew nothing of this life. Plus, I had the added complication of just losing a child and committing suicide. I was very confused. I went from not wanting to live at all, to suddenly living forever. After the change, I was overcome by urges I didn't understand. But, Carlisle was always there, patient and loving. He became my life and I love him without measure. He has given me my every wish. Even a family." Esme looked at me with that last line.

She continued. "I am thankful I was not given a choice. I would have chosen not to be changed, but oh, I am grateful everyday that I was."

I smiled at her. She was definitely more poetic than I was. "I feel the same way about Edward that you feel about Carlisle," I said.

She smiled and nodded her head, "I know. You love him a great deal. For that I am so grateful."

I looked at her and realized that was just what Elizabeth had said to me in my dream, that I loved him a great deal. Esme did love him just as a mother would.

We talked and laughed for a while then all of a sudden she perked up and smiled at me and said, "He's here."

I sucked in a large amount of air. I searched frantically around the house for his face. Esme stood up and said, "You stay right here. I'll guide him out the back door." Then she was gone.

Suddenly, the back door swung wildly and I just had time to stand up and then he was there. His face had been never been out of my mind, but his beauty took my breath away. His hair was blowing slightly in the breeze. He got about fifteen feet in front of me and then he stopped. I realized he wasn't sure what he should do. I did.

I ran and jumped into his arms and I heard his musical laugh as he swung me around. He didn't let go of me. He held me as close as he could. How could I have been away from this dream for so long?

He buried his face in my neck and said, "You came back."

I didn't say anything, all I could do was take in the scent of him. His face was still in my neck when he said, "I can hear my family, they are so glad you're back. They couldn't take one more day of me without you."

He was still holding me up. I released my stranglehold on his neck and looked down at him and said, "They will never have to go through it again."

He stared up at me and didn't say anything. I smiled and kissed his nose and he gave me that crooked smile I would walk through a desert to see. We were both so happy to be together again.

His strong arms could have held me up like that for days, but finally I said, "Let's go sit on the blanket and talk."

He let me down gently and took my hand and led me to the blanket.

Before we sat down he held me at arms length and looked at me. "You are more beautiful than when you left," he said breathlessly. He ran his fingers through my hair and said, "I like your hair very much." He pulled me closer to him and said, "This color on you is so lovely, and. . .your skin is darker." When he said this, he kissed my shoulder. His cold lips on my shoulder were intoxicating.

I somehow got out the words, "I did a lot of my thinking on the beach."

He sat down and pulled me into his lap, then he took my wrist and held it up to his face as he inhaled deeply. His eyes closed for a time and it gave me a chance to look at his beautiful face without him knowing. I kissed him on the chin then I buried my face in his neck. He rocked me gently as we sat in silence for several minutes. Finally, I took a big breath. I had been rehearsing this speech, now was the big moment.

Just as I opened my mouth to speak, Edward said, "Bella, I am sorry about the way that I said good-bye in our last conversation. I told you that there were things about my past. . ."

I put my hand on his mouth and said, "I do want to talk about that, but first, I need to tell you about the decisions I made while I was gone."

He began to protest but I said, "Edward, I have been preparing what I want to say, and I need to get it out, so for the next few minutes I need you to hold your comments. You can say whatever you want to at the end, okay?"

It was his turn to take a big breath, and then he got a resigned look on his face and said, "Okay."

I began, "As you know, I was very confused when I left. I knew I loved you, and wanted only you, but other than that, I didn't know what I wanted the next step in my life to be. All my life I had wanted certain things and then, after knowing you," I looked up at him. He was staring out over the river, "All those wants changed."

"I didn't know how I could have all the things in my life I had always dreamed about. There were going to have to be sacrifices, of that I was sure." I stole a quick glance at him. He hadn't moved an inch but his eyes were closed.

I kept on with my speech. "After a few days of solitude I realized that I had been thinking about this all wrong. All I had to do was figure out in my heart what was most important to me. What were the gifts I wanted in my life that I could never do without. Once I figured that out, the rest was easy."

I was so passionate about what I was saying that I climbed out of his lap and sat facing him. My eyes were alight with my enthusiasm, but his were guarded. He raised his eyebrows to urge me on.

I grabbed his hands in mine and continued, "Edward, there are some things I will need in my life. I need to tell to you what they are, and then I need to ask you a question."

I looked deep into his eyes and said, "The first of these that I will need in my life is true love." I reached up to touch his cheek and he leaned into my hand. "Now that I have had it, I can't ever be without it again."

"You have it," he whispered.

"Thank you," I smiled at him. "But, I need you to be quiet until I'm done." I kissed his forehead and he gave me my crooked smile again. I held his hands up tight to my chest and went on.

"The second is trust. I need to know that you will always be with me, not out of obligation but because I am _your_ true love."

"I need assurance that you will be patient with me and love me even though I might pout or get angry now and then. I need you to grab my hand if I fall, and not get upset if I am not as brilliant or wonderful as you."

"I need you to hold me tight when I am afraid and don't know if I can handle things."

"I need adventure. I want to try new things and see places I have only dreamed about."

"I need family. I need to have contact with the people whom I have loved all my life."

"I need to be able to go after my dreams. I know that if I work hard enough I can make the things I want happen."

This last one was going to be embarrassing, but I had to say it. I leaned in and touched his forehead to mine. "And Edward, I want to be married to you and be. . .with you." I felt his intake of breath. I talked with more emotion, "Every time I kiss you, every time I'm close to you I feel it more and more. I can't go the rest of my life just kissing you. Someday I want to be. . . closer to you."

It was time to ask the question, "Edward, can you give these things to me?"

He swallowed hard. He was breathing harder as he brought his hands up to my face and pulled me back to meet his eyes. We were inches apart. His topaz eyes had love, happiness, passion, and longing all in one look. "Yes Bella," he answered huskily, "I can. I have dreamed about being the one who could give all those things to you."

Here it was. The last thing I had to ask. "Then please Edward, please make me a vampire."

I heard a sorrowful groan from deep in his chest and he lowered his head into his hands. My heart sank. I was hoping for a different reaction, but I was prepared for this.

"Edward," I began, "All those things I want in my life, that you said you would give me can't happen unless you change me. If I could turn back time to before I met you, I would come straight back to you. You seem to think you have done me some horrible wrong by loving me, it could not be farther from the truth."

I was getting a little bolder now. "You seem to think that _my_ life is so much better than what _you_ could give me. Human life is great, but it is also fragile and vulnerable. There is sickness and death, you should know that better than anyone."

I grabbed his arms. His face was still buried in his hands. He looked up at me and said, "Bella, it is for the best that you stay human. I will not have you live this life."

I let out an exasperated sigh and said, "Edward, without you this is just an ordinary world, and I can't go back to ordinary. Won't you please take my hand and lead me through your world. Would you be patient with me and teach me everything you know. Would you help me? Edward, I want to run _beside_ you, I want to hold you tight and have you feel it."

He looked at me with earnest eyes and said, "I feel you every time you touch me."

He shook his head and said, "All those things you said you needed in your life I can give you as a human."

"No Edward," I shook my head slowly, "You can't."

I was hoping I would not have to go to this place, but I had thought this through too.

"Edward," I said, "I know you think this is the solution, I'm telling you it is not. It would work for a while, but I am going to get older. I'm guessing we have a good five years left that we could go places together, and then," I shook my head at him. "Do you want me to only be able to come out at night to be with you?"

He started to speak, but I was not anywhere close to finished with this argument. "As I grow older I know how I'll handle it no matter how much you say you love me." I was so angry I had to stand up. "I will become obsessed with looking younger. I will hate the way I look. You will still be this beautiful angel. . ." I wrapped my arms around my middle. "Eventually, no matter what I do I will be very old."

I turned and faced the river. "Edward, this is only if I have good health. I could get really sick when I'm 45 and it will all be over with so much sooner than we'd hoped."

I turned back to face him, "Edward," He had been avoiding my gaze. Now I made him look at me. "What if I end up in a wheelchair? What if I end up with a lingering illness and it drags out for months and months and I am in horrible pain?"

Edward's face twisted in agony. He whispered, "I don't know."

I made him look at me again. "I know." My voice was choking back tears. I would not let him see me weak about this. "When it gets to the point that I'm old, sick, or feeble. . . I'll leave." His head snapped up. I started to back away as I said, "I'll go so far away that Alice won't even know where I am and when I die you won't even know it! I'll die alone and. . ." He jumped up and yelled, "Stop."

He ran to me and grabbed my arms and held them in front of me. His eyes were crazed and he whispered again, "Please stop it."

I made myself look determined. He had to know how bad this life would be that he wanted to sentence me to. I could _not_ live with him as a human. I knew that now more than ever. I didn't know what else I could say.

I looked into his face. He was so angry and he looked as determined as I did. My doubts came out. "Edward, is it because you are only attracted to me if I'm human? Will my scent go away if you change me? You love to listen to my heartbeat, and you love my warm skin and. . ."

"No! No!" He dropped my arms and was wandering around with his head in his hands. He stopped nowhere in particular and stared out at nothing.

"Bella," His voice was the most velvet sounding I'd ever heard it. "I wasn't completely truthful about when I told you what I do when I watch you sleep. There is one more thing I do." He came back to me and laid his hand on the side of my face and whispered, "I dream of you being . . . like me."

There, he'd said it. My heart all but leaped out of me. I didn't dare move. I was afraid to break the spell and I needed him to keep talking, _Oh please keep talking this way_ was all I could think.

Edward touched his forehead to mine, "Sometimes I do dream of you being a vampire. I would love you just as much as now. That would never change." Something ran through his thoughts and broke the spell. He straightened and moved back from me. He dropped his hands from my face as he shook his head saying, "You deserve more, and I'm not worth it."

He stared at me and I assume he thought I would be upset, but instead he saw a calm smile on my face. He seemed confused by my reaction. I said, "You were thinking about your past and your lost soul weren't you?"

He didn't answer, he just kept staring at me.

I calmly walked toward him and laid my hand on his cheek. "I haven't told you everything that happened while I was away. The first half I made my decisions." I laughed lightly and looked in his eyes. "Edward, I was ready to come home after the first week. Now, I am going to tell you what happened after that."

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**Tomorrow is the last chapter and epilogue. It is long. It is like 7, 000 words. Please, if you want, tell me what you think. Have a great day!**


	8. Beautiful Soul

**So, here we are at the end of another story. Thank you everyone again for making this so fun and great for me. You guys are the absolute best. I thought I would be extremely lucky on this story if I got 50 reviews, and once again, you exceeded my expectations. **

**I started reading Wuthering Heights again, before Eclipse comes out, and I realized to my total embarrasement last night that in the first chapter of this story I spelled Cathy's name with a "K" I fixed it.**

**This may seem strange, but I have an advertisement. There is a writer here called LindaRoo. She has written some stories/one-shots which are all good, but there is one inparticular you just have to read. I read it back in March on TwilightArchives, but she had a different pen-name. I just saw her update the story here. It is called, "Edward in P.E." If you want to read a very good author, and a very funny, good story, read this! She also puts a reference to Princess Bride in every chapter. If you can't find it, go to my favorites. Thank you!**

**Please don't forget - there is an epilogue!**

**This chapter starts immediately where the last one left off. **

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I guided Edward back to the blanket and pulled him down to sit by me under the ancient tree. Needless to say, I wasn't quite sure where to start on all I wanted to tell him. I positioned myself directly in front of him. He had no idea what was going on. He was completely taken aback by how calm I seemed.

"Edward," I began. "After our last conversation on the phone, when I was at the condo, I was very upset." I was hurt you wouldn't open up to me and that you cut me off so harshly. But, then I started to think about _you_. You had always been so honest about everything having to do with your life, that I knew that whatever was bothering you had to be so bad that you felt you couldn't tell me."

I took both his hands in my own and said, "I was so far away from you and had no idea how to help you. I sat on the beach for hours that day trying to find a solution, and that's when I decided to do something I've haven't done in many years." I took a deep breath and told him. "I decided to pray."

Edward's head shot up. He jerked his hands away and looked at me with narrowed eyes. I couldn't tell if it was skepticism or surprise that I saw there.

"Be serious Bella," he said.

I drew back a little from him. I had not expected that. I was no longer sure he would believe anything I told him. He had never acted that way to me before.

I looked in his eyes to try to understand what he was thinking. I didn't comment on his remark. I decided that for the moment I would continue with my story. "After I prayed, I sat on the beach until it was past dark and I was soaked through with rain. I went to sleep that night planning on flying back to you the next day. I just wanted to get back to you, then something happened."

I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts and said, "Edward, I had a dream that night, and I am going to describe what I saw." I swallowed hard and began.

"First, I saw a beautiful boy holding a little girl with dark curls and she was wearing a white dress. She was bloody and dirty and she was dead."

When I said that, it was as if an explosion went off in Edward. He shot back five feet from me and rocked back on his hands. He was shaking. He choked out the words, "Who told you? I've never told anyone! Somehow Alice. . ." He was glaring at the house. He was standing now and preparing to take out his wrath on Alice when I grabbed his hand as he went by and said quietly, "Edward, Alice told me nothing."

He stared down at me with large eyes. I could feel the tremors in his hand. I pulled him down to me and said gently, "There's more."

"Next, I saw a man with dark hair and a mustache beating a little boy and saying, "You killed my little girl."

In a flash he stood up again and was backing away from me. He started wandering around in circles. His breath was coming out in ragged gasps. He looked at me like I was someone he hardly knew. I had never seen him behave anywhere close to this.

"Bella, I don't understand what's going on here." He seemed so lost, so confused and so angry. He was very upset that I knew anything about this.

I ran and grabbed his shoulders and squared him in front of me.

"Edward, I am going to help you sort this all out. I'm not leaving you no matter what happens this day. I have so much to tell you, but I can't unless you take a deep breath and calm down."

He took his breath, but he was nowhere near calm. He was focusing on me though, which was a start.

"I am going to ask you a question," I said calmly. "Do you remember that the man with the dark hair and mustache is your father?"

He let out a large sigh. "Yes, I have always remembered that he was my father." He closed his eyes and continued, "What haunts me is that he said I killed his. . .It. . would have to. . . to. . . mean. . . that I killed my sis. . . . That I killed a little girl." His lightning fast hands were at his face then he wrapped his arms around his sides. He was backing away from me and tearless sobs were coming from his chest.

I caught up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, "Edward, my love, you didn't kill Annie."

He froze. After a moment he pulled back to stare at me with wide eyes that actually had fear in them. "Did you say Annie?. . ." "How could you possibly know about her?. . . . about any of this?"

Calmly, I touched his face again and said, "Edward, In a dream, I saw what has been tormenting you. My dream, vision, whatever it was, I hope, will give you your answers if you will let me tell you everything." I smiled. "My love, I have so much to tell you. I grabbed his hand and brought it to my lips and then to my cheek. Are you ready to hear it?"

He looked at me for a moment and then held me in a tight desperate grip to his chest. His breathing was so fast. I could tell he was torn between wanting to hear what I had to say, and running, far away, ashamed that I knew anything about this. I closed my eyes and held on to him as tightly as I could. His chest was like a hard stone, but he seemed so breakable right now.

"Bella," he whispered, "I ask you this. . . do you promise everything you are telling me is true? You really had a dream about all of this, about my life 80 years ago? No one else has said anything to you? This is all too impossible to believe."

I looked up into his eyes and said, "Edward, I swear I am being completely truthful. I have had just a little more time for it all to sink in, but I am just as amazed as you. As far as I know, you have been torturing yourself privately about all of this and have never confided in anyone."

Edward ran his hands through his hair and over his face again. He looked at the river for a moment and then back at me. Nothing has ever touched me as much as the look I then saw in his eyes. It was the look of trust.

He took a deep breath and shook his head and then he guided me back over to the blanket and pulled me down to sit beside him. "Something tells me I'll need to sit down for this," he said.

And so it began, I prayed this was the beginning of the end of all his demons.

I turned so that I was looking directly at him. "Edward, that night after I came in from the rain, and had this amazing dream, I saw the images we spoke of, plus some others we can talk about in a moment. When I awoke, I was terrified and in complete wonder of what I saw, and what it all meant. But, there was one thing I was sure of." I lifted his chin to my face as I said it. "I knew it all was a direct result of my praying about you. It was my answer, and I needed to act on it."

He stared at me with hurt in his eyes and said, "If there is a God, he forgot about me a long, long time ago."

I pulled his face to mine and kissed him softly, and said, '"You can make your own judgments after I tell you everything."

I continued my story, "That morning I made up my mind what I was to do next. I went to Chicago."

His head snapped up and his voice rose. "You went to Chicago?" he fumed.

"Yep." I said.

He set his mouth and looked out at the river. "Bella, going to Chicago. . ." he was shaking his head in frustration. "I have spent countless amounts of time and money trying to solve this mystery. There is no record of Annie anywhere. I have been trying since 1929 to figure this out. The horrible images started coming to me during the 10 years I was away from Carlisle. When I came back to him, I did all I could to stop the. . . scenes from playing in my mind. The neighborhood where I lived was all but killed off with the Influenza, I found no one who could tell me anything. How could you have possibly figured all this out in a matter of days?"

I nodded my head in agreement, and said, "I spent an entire day running into the same roadblocks you spoke of. I just knew Annie existed, but there was no record of her."

I smiled at him again and said, "But, I had one small break. I could see you both very clearly in my dream, and from that, I guessed at your ages. I spent one day searching archive newspapers for a story about Annie's death. Just before closing, I found what I was looking for. It only gave me one clue, but it was a good one. Her name was Annabelle Masen."

Edward's eyes widened. "Annabelle Masen! That's what the newspaper said?"

I smiled and nodded my head. "I went back to the hotel that night happy for what I had found, but I still was lost. I didn't know if she was your sister, or maybe a cousin. . . there was no sister on your family records. I eventually went to bed that night feeling very discouraged."

I positioned myself so I was looking directly into his eyes and said, "Edward, that night something wonderful happened."

He raised his eyebrows and said, "You had more dreams about me or Annie?"

I shook my head and said, "No Edward, your mother came to me."

He blinked his eyes and all the air went out of him, "My mother?" His voice was high and broke when he spoke. It came out sounding like a young boy.

Telling him about this, was too much and the tears started in the corners of my eyes. "Oh Edward, she was beautiful. You look so much like her. Your mother touched my cheek and thanked me for making you so happy, she said she hadn't seen you happy in so long."

"She told me that she knew I loved you a great deal. And Edward, she told me to tell you something."

"Bella, what did she say?" He had taken my hand and was gripping it so tightly.

"Well," I said smiling, "She was holding my hands as tightly as you are, then she looked deep into my eyes with so much intensity and said, "Tell Edward his soul is _not_ lost. It's never too late to be redeemed."

Edward let go of my hands and rocked slowly onto his back. He was staring straight up with his arms on his forehead. I could tell his mind was racing trying to process everything he had just heard.

"She's knows what has been happening in my life," he whispered. "Redeemed. . . ." he muttered to himself. "She said that to me shortly before I . . ."

"Before you collapsed on the sidewalk after your father's funeral," I finished his thought for him.

His eyes looked into mine, he seemed amazed that I knew this, but his look was far away, remembering things that had been long pushed out of his memory.

He stayed on his back and stared up through the tree in silence. I couldn't imagine what was going through his mind.

After several minutes of silence, I said, "Before your mother left, she said the name of Sarah Jane Dutton, and then she was gone."

He looked at me, "Who is Sarah Jane Dutton?"

I smiled once more and shook my head. Edward wasn't done with all this quite yet. I moved closer to him and put his head in my lap. With my left hand I ran my fingers through his hair.

I looked down into his face and said, "Sarah is the person who solved the mystery."

Edward's eyes grew wide and he stopped breathing. "Bella, tell me everything." he quickly said.

As I thought about Sarah I began to smile. "Well, Sarah is a 96 year old woman who still lives in Chicago. She knew your mother and father and. . . she adored _you_."

Edward actually smiled. "She remembers me?" Edward stared out again and said, "Someone actually remembers me from back when I was a. . ." He swallowed hard and didn't finish. I knew he wanted to say when he was human, but he couldn't make himself say it.

All of the sudden, I saw recognition flash across his face. "Sarah . . .she was a little girl that I knew. I can barely make out her face," He whispered in frustration. He looked at me as he raised his eyebrows and said, "She remembers me?"

I talked to him gently as I touched his hair and face. "Edward, she has done a lot more than just remember you. She had tears in her eyes when she spoke of you." I told him all of Sarah's memories of him. I recalled all the details of how well he treated Sarah, and what a sweet and kind boy he had always been. He loved hearing everything I told him. As I finished, he swallowed hard and said, "What did she say about Annie?"

I recounted the story about Sarah's mother and then said, "She asked your mother to raise Annie as her own. She really was your little sister. There was no record of her because Ruth's parents would not allow a legal adoption. Your parents always planned to take care of it later, but she died and then all of you died as well."

Edward looked at me and said, "Tell me how Annie died, please."

I looked at him lovingly and said, "Edward it was all a sad and horrible accident. You were playing baseball with your friends on a field next to where you lived. You were just a twelve year old boy. Annie really wanted to play the game too, but you told her to leave. Usually, you included her in everything you did, but this time you didn't. She got very upset and ran off the field. She got too close to the road and when she turned around to tell you something, she stumbled off the sidewalk and. . ." I paused for a moment. "She fell into the path of a carriage pulled by four horses. She screamed, and you saw the whole thing."

Edward sat up slowly. He was staring down at the ground. He took a breath. I didn't realize until that moment that he hadn't been breathing through my entire story.

"I didn't kill Annie."

I rubbed his back and said, "No Edward, you didn't."

He brought his knees up and rested his elbows there with his head in hands. His eyes were closed and his breathing was deep in his chest, almost as if he was cleaning out all the torment and horror that had been living there for so many years.

"You know, I said, "If it wasn't for the good person you are, things would have been much worse. Your father did not take her death well, as you remember, but it was you, who through your patience and love brought him back to you and your mother. He began drinking heavily and left. You went and searched for him. I saw you looking for him in a dark alley."

Edward silently nodded.

"You all grieved for Annie, but your father became lost in all his grief. You found him and helped him heal, and made the family whole once again."

Edward looked up and gazed out at the river. "All this time, I thought I had killed Annie. I thought my soul was damned before I ever became a vampire." Then he whispered, "I thought all of this was my punishment for what I had done to her. I thought I just kept losing my soul a little more everyday."

I came behind him and grabbed him around his middle and put my chin on his shoulder. "I always knew you didn't do it. I went to Chicago to prove you wrong. I know you are not a monster, you never have been. You are my beautiful miracle and my reason for everything."

Edward turned around and grabbed me and held me to him. His hands held my head tight to his chest and I could feel kisses in my hair. I began to hope that there was a chance for us to have real happiness. To live a life where he didn't believe he was a monster and constantly try to push me to leave him. I breathed in his scent and felt his chest go in and out. His breathing eventually took on a calmer rhythm and I looked up at him and smiled.

"Edward, there is one more thing I haven't told you. His shoulders slumped. He playfully rolled onto his back and said, "Oh please, tell me there isn't anything else!"

I laughed and crawled over beside him. He put his head back in my lap again and looked up at me.

"Edward, I told you that Sarah has never forgotten you. There is more to that." I brought his hand up to me and kissed his fingers. "You taught her to play the piano."

Edward's eyes brightened, "I did?"

I nodded my head enthusiastically and said, "Edward, you just won't believe it. . . she has your piano in her house!"

Edward looked stunned. "Bella, you're kidding!"

I was smiling and hugging his hand under my chin. "Edward, after Sarah saw the way I reacted when I saw your piano, she offered to play a song for me that you had taught her." Tears started in the corner of my eyes again just picturing that moment. I opened my mouth to speak but I was still too emotional. Edward looked at me and said, "Bella, are you okay?" I swallowed hard and tried again.

"Edward, she played my lullaby."

He sat up and stared at me in amazement. He shook his head and looked down then back up again and said, "After I met you, the music came so easily, from deep inside me." He looked at me with so much love. "I guess it took you to bring it out."

He ran his fingers over my cheek and said, "This is all more than I ever hoped to regain." He shook his head slowly back and forth and said, "Oh, my love."

He touched our foreheads together and he said, "I can't believe you went to Chicago and. . . that you went through all this just to help me. How am I so blessed to not only have the love of my life here with me, but to have you do me such a kindness and take care of me and love me. Bella, thank you, so much."

"Edward, I would do anything for you, anything."

He pulled away and looked at me. "It's going to take a while to think through all you've told me."

I looked at him very seriously and said, "The most important part of everything I've told you, is that God has not forgotten you, and you have a soul. A magnificent soul, a beautiful soul."

Very quietly he said, "I will think about that."

"You should always listen to your mother," I said.

He awarded me with my crooked smile.

He kissed my wrist as he lay back down in my lap. He closed his eyes and he looked so peaceful and calm. He turned towards me so that he could put his arm around me. His face was buried in my stomach.

I didn't want to disturb him. I hoped with all my heart that this was the first of many peaceful moments for him, for us. Two weeks ago I left to decide my future. I never dreamed our future could look so bright. I would spend the rest of the world's days loving him. One lifetime wasn't enough.

I started to run my fingers over his back and down his marble arm, through his hair, on his neck and shoulders. A breeze wafted through the tree and it brought his scent to me. My heart began to beat a little faster and he glanced up at me.

"What were you just thinking about?" He rolled over on his back.

"I'll never tell," I smiled playfully.

He slowly lifted his face up to mine and his eyes looked hungry, not thirsty.

He put his hand on my neck. I knew my pulse was now racing under my skin. My breath was quickening and I longed to feel his cold lips on mine, as if by command, he pulled me to him.

All the stress of the last few weeks melted away under his touch. This kiss of his was different. So many kisses of the past had a desperation to them, almost daring me to stay. But this one, was love. He lingered on my lips and we moved together in a way he was always afraid to do before. His hand caressed up and down my neck. My hands were on his face and in his hair, but I wasn't wild, and he wasn't afraid that he needed to stop. He slowly pushed me down on my back. He laid beside me and kissed my neck and my jaw. His lips were on mine again slowly kissing me. Each kiss seemed to be a new way for him to tell me he loved me.

When we finally parted, he rubbed our noses together and whispered, "Bella, I love you."

I whispered back, "Oh Edward, I love you so."

He laid his head on my chest and closed his eyes. I wondered if he would still do this when there was no heartbeat there to listen to. I hoped he would.

I turned my head and saw the envelope just within my reach. "Oh gosh, I can't believe I forgot." I said. Edward looked up at me. I smiled and said, "There is just one more thing."

"You're kidding," he said.

I reached out for the envelope and handed it to him. He raised one perfect eyebrow and sat up and opened it. As soon as he saw the picture all the air went out of him.

"Oh Bella."

He touched the faces of his mother and father. He stared at Annie and himself. He studied the picture intensely for several minutes.

Then he looked at me and asked, "How did you get this?"

"Sarah gave it to me," I answered simply. "I wish you could see her. You would like her very much."

"Bella, I have to tell you. When you left, I was sure that when you had a chance to think clearly you would realize how foolish you were and make the decision that you were leaving me."

"I just kept dreaming that you'd be with me, but I never really thought it would happen. It has always been so much easier to believe the bad."

"Now, in one afternoon so much has changed for me, for us. I can't believe what you did for me. I just can't believe it."

"You know," I said, "This was all a miracle. I had nothing to do with it."

Edward looked at me and said, "If there really is a God, I will start by thanking him for you."

"Does this mean that you will change me?" I asked hopefully.

He sighed a large sigh, "I just want you to progress and change and be everything that you can be." He touched my cheek. "You have so much promise. Like I said before, you are more beautiful now, than you were two weeks ago. Think how beautiful you'll be when you're 25. Or 45. Or 85."

"That was such a lovely thing to say," I whispered.

"By the way," he said. "You said something earlier about me not wanting to change you because your scent would go away." He got a little breathless then he said, "Actually, your scent would be much, much more concentrated. He ran his lips over my forehead and said, "I would be driven mad by it."

I was a little breathless myself as I said, "Just think how great it would be to have all that intoxication and actually be able to do something about it." I stared up at him with what I hoped was an alluring gaze.

Another crooked smile, "Oh believe me, I dream about it all the time." Then his lips were on mine again.

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**Sigh . . . don't forget the epilogue!**


	9. Epilogue  Forget the World

**Please remember that I wrote this story back in March. The song here is a bit dated, but it fits perfectly.**

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**We'll do it all, everything, on our own.**

**We don't need anything, or anyone.**

**If I lay here, if just lay here,**

**Would you lie with me**

**And just forget the world.**

**Forget what we're told,**

**Before we get too old,**

**Show me a garden that's bursting into life.**

**All that I am, all that I ever was,**

**Is here in your perfect eyes,**

**They're all I can see.**

**If I lay here, If I just lay here,**

**Would you lie with me**

**And just forget the world**.

- Chasing Cars, by Snow Patrol

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After our talk under the tree, Edward asked me if I wanted to see the greenhouse. We walked over hand in hand. It was raining slightly when we walked out from the shelter of the tree. Halfway through the yard, there was a large thunder clap and then the rain began to pound. Edward laughed and squinted his eyes to look at me. He began to run (human speed) and pulled me along to the other side of the house to the greenhouse entrance.

Once inside, he ran his hand over my face to clear the water. He hugged me and smelled me. He groaned and said, "Here in the greenhouse, with the heat, and the humidity, you and the rain". . . He just shook his head.

The greenhouse was immense. I had no idea it would be so beautiful. I felt like I was in a tropical rainforest. From the ceiling, there were hundreds of hanging plants with flowers that had every color imaginable growing on them. The mist was lightly falling on everything. There were two large rows of flowers about waist high that traveled clear to the far wall. I had no idea that so many different kinds of flowers even existed. In the far left corner there was a gathering of trees. I walked over for a closer look. They were definitely not your average trees. One of them had leaves that were larger than me.

"Is that a banana tree?" I asked.

Edward laughed. "The delivery man had a pretty strange look on his face when he brought that to the front door."

Edward started to fidget. He seemed nervous. He said, "Let's go farther in past these trees."

As I walked through the trees, I gasped. There were hundreds, maybe thousands of roses. There were varieties I had never seen. I touched their delicate petals and smelled their delicious aroma. It was set up as a round courtyard. You could walk on a path in ever smaller circles until you reached the very center. In the center was a small bench. I walked around and around with Edward following me. The rain was beating on the greenhouse roof.

When we reached the center, I walked to sit on the bench and found a beautiful red rose lying there. I picked it up before sitting down. I brought it to my nose to smell it as I turned to sit, and saw something gleaming from the inside of it. Puzzled, I pulled it out. It was a ring.

I'm not talking any ring. . . this was the most beautiful ring I will ever see. Two gold bands crossed each other and held a very large topaz gem in the center, with a row of diamonds surrounding it. As I pulled back from staring at the ring, I saw Edward down on one knee. I gulped.

He grabbed my hand and kissed it and said, "Bella, I have loved you from that first night I came into your room and heard you say my name. Let me love you for the rest of my days and I will protect you and cherish you and keep you close to me always. It doesn't have to be soon, but just say you promise to be mine and I will do all I can to make you as happy as you have made me. Please, Bella, will you marry me?"

I jumped down into his arms and said, "Yes, Edward. I will marry you. A thousand times, yes."

So, we were engaged. I didn't try to hide it from Charlie. I wore the ring proudly. Edward and I let him know that it wouldn't be soon, and that we were both planning on school. We used the tickets that Carlisle and Esme had given me for my birthday to fly out and let Renee know personally. Let's just say, she was less than thrilled, but she could also see how much we loved each other. The visit was good, she got a chance to know Edward better, and she softened a bit.

We did go to school. From the schools to which we were accepted, we chose one in Oregon that had a good program for what we were interested in, and yes, it rained a lot there. One thing I noticed about college girls, they were much more aggressive about trying to get to Edward. Even with the huge ring on my finger, they were constantly trying to bait him. But, he only had eyes for me.

I wish I could describe the difference in Edward after our talk under the tree. Some of it was so subtle. The biggest change was that he stopped trying to push me away. He started smiling a lot more, and was filled with hope about our future. His family still hasn't stopped thanking me.

In February, in our second semester of college, nine months after I had gone to decide my future, Charlie called me at my apartment in Oregon. "Uh Bells, there is a really big crate here with your name on it. It says it's from Chicago."

I had no idea what he was talking about. "Dad, is there a letter or something attached to it?"

There was a pause on the line and then, "There are two letters. The first is from a woman named Sarah Dutton." I sucked a large amount of air. "Keep reading Dad." I said.

Charlie read on.

"_Dear Isabella, _

_I enjoyed our visit so much. You are a lovely young lady, and I was so happy to receive you letter saying that your paper turned out well. I should probably ask first, but in the event of my death, I am giving you Edward's piano. I was so touched by how much it meant to you. Shortly after your visit, I became quite ill and I have not been able to play, I suspect that the song I played for you will be the last I play on it. Take care of it, and my hope is that you will keep my memories of Edward alive. _

_Love, Sarah." _

Tears were streaming down my face. Charlie read the other letter for me. It was from Sarah's oldest daughter informing me that Sarah passed away in January. Nine more months and Edward's mystery would have been forever unsolved.

I could hardly speak, except to say, "Dad, keep those letters safe for me until Edward and I come next weekend. And Dad, do you have anyplace you can store a piano?"

Edward let me choose the date we would be married. I already knew the day before he asked me. September 16th. When he questioned why I wanted that day, I said. "Because that was the day you said good-bye and left me. On that day, you promised me that you would leave and never return, and that it would be as if you never existed. I want to change that day to the happiest of my life and hear you promise me forever."

So, two years to the day of Edward leaving me, we were married. Yes, I said two years. My nineteenth birthday came and went and with Edward beside me, and this beautiful ring on my finger, I wasn't even anxious about it. Edward really wanted to see me turn twenty years old. He would never be able to, and how could I deny him what he wanted? It felt so right. All Edward could say was how my beauty now was far beyond what I had at seventeen.

Our wedding day was perfect. We had talked about being married at the meadow, but we decided against it. That place was almost sacred for us and we didn't want to share it with anybody. That was the place where I touched him for the first time, and where he first placed his hand on my neck. Where he first heard my heartbeat. It was where we declared our love for the first time.

We decided to be married in the Cullen's backyard . . . yes, under the ancient tree. It was just his family and mine. I'll never forget seeing him there in that tuxedo looking at me with so much love, promising to be mine forever.

Edward surprised me with a wedding gift of a house. That's right, a house. He told me it was about a mile from where the Cullens lived. He said it was quite a bit smaller, than the Cullen's house, but beautiful and private, which is what we really wanted. He told me we could visit our families daily if we wanted, but we would also have our own space.

I surprised him with his piano. He couldn't believe it when he saw it. He said he knew just the right spot for it in our new home.

We said our good-byes to our family. We loved them so much. I hoped my parents would always be in my life one way or another. I hugged them both so tightly and told them how much I loved them.

I would make my dreams come true, that's what I'd decided on that beach almost a and half year ago.

We had been telling my parents we were taking some time off from school to travel. We probably would be traveling eventually, but very soon Edward would change me. He wanted me to have time to adjust, and not have any pressures or worries from anything else.

This story has basically been my journal. Edward asked me to write down everything I remembered from our first sight until now. These would be my human memories, and he didn't want me to forget a thing.

We drove to the house. It was lovely. Very secluded and much bigger than Edward had described. In a swift motion he was at my door and reaching for my hand. He pulled me out and began to carry me. I looked up into his face. There was a calmness there now, and a look of hope and love. I was so humbled that such a beautiful angel could ever love me.

As we got to the front door he looked at me and said, "Are you ready, Mrs. Cullen?"

I touched his cheek and looked into his eyes. "I am ready to begin forever."

With more passion than I thought he could communicate through those lovely topaz eyes, he carried me through the doorway. He shut the door, and shut out the world.

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**Once again, thank you from the bottom of my soul. This has been so much fun. You guys are the absolute best. One last time, if you could let me know what you think, I would be forever grateful.**

**Can I take a moment to thank someone? I must thank Shining Star of Valinor. I just can't express how much your reviews have meant. You put so much time and work into telling me what you thought of every chapter here and in "Coming Back To You." You are a talented writer in your own right, but you have been so unselfish in letting me feel my stories were good. I hope to see you around the site. Read "Discovery" she is posting it right now. It is great.**

**There are others who have followed my story. You know who you are, OcherMe, DeliriouslyWithdrawn, Amy and Blissful Memories. I know there are more, I will thank you in an e-mail. Also some new friends AndyIron and some who never reviewed my stories until now. THANK YOU! **

**I have one request! I will be dying to know what you guys think of Eclipse. Do you care if I contact some of you after it comes out once we've read it and I talk to you about it? If I couldn't share it with you guys, well, I would be very sad. None of my friends here are even half as passionate as I am about this. Have a great summer! Love ya - edwardsoul. **


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